JackieHSB

= Jackie's Scrapbook =

This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

= With The Samanas  =

=**The Assignment**= To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel //Siddhartha//, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up ice cream, because it is a luxury that I want and not something that I need.

**The Start of the Week [[image:http://www.gotchocolate.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/dreyers-girl-scout-thin-mint-ice-cream.001.png width="273" height="137" align="right"]] **
During the start of the week, I struggled and it was hard keep myself from giving in to have my small scoop of ice cream that I love. My sweet tooth was a lot stronger than I thought, and it was hard to watch my family eat their dessert after dinner. I know that it's bad that I eat ice cream so much, it's just something that our family does, like a routine. I continued to go back and forth in the beginning of the week and like Siddhartha, I was, "...swung into the life cycle, felt thirst, conquered thirst, felt new thirst,"(Hesse 15). I always felt like I had finally overcome my want, but then it always seemed to reappear. =The Middle of the Week= When the middle of the week finally came around, it was becoming easier for me to just go up to bed without dessert. The need to sit down with my family again after dinner was slowly going away which helped me get more sleep and work done. I felt better inside without all the sugar piling up in me too. The struggle was still there though, for it had not gone away all completely yet and it still seemed like I had a long way to go before the desire would be all gone. When Govinda said, "We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps,"(18). I could relate to this easily because I initially felt like I was walking around in circles with my self-denial and want, but I have finally started to walk upwards and cover some ground.

=The End of the Week= At the end of the week I felt like I had greatly benefited from this experience. I still would have liked to have ice cream, but I will want it less frequently than before. I would definitely do this again with something a little harder like not using my phone or laptop for a week. I am excited to go back to my normal routine with my family but I probably won't be having ice cream anytime soon. I like the way I feel now that I gave up ice cream. I like having my options open and not making myself feel self-deprived, that's why I agree with Siddhartha when he said, "Let the old Samanas satisfy themselves with such arts," (24). These arts and lifestyles are not for me.

= Awakening = The Quote What does Siddhartha's "Awakening" look like? Is this the same thing as reaching Enlightenment? In the text, Siddhartha becomes awakened to the world around him after leaving the Samanas and Gotama (the Buddha). He sees "the world for the first time. The world was beautiful strange and mysterious. Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself. All this, all this yellow and blue, river and wood, passed for the first time across Siddhartha's eyes. It was no longer the magic of Mara, it was no more the veil of Maya, it was no longer meaningless and the chance diversities of the appearances of the world, despised by deep-thinking Brahmins, who scorned diversity, who sought unity. River was river, and if the One and Divine in Siddhartha secretly lived in blue and river, it was just the divine art and intention that there should be yellow and blue, there sky and wood -- and here Siddhartha. Meaning and reality were not hidden somewhere behind things, they were in them, in all of them" (39).

Siddhartha awakes and is surrounded by so much awe for the beautiful new world around him. He sees so much "yellow" "blue" and "green" around him and feels as if it is the first time he has ever seen the "trees", "river", "sky", and towering "mountains" before. I chose this picture to represent the setting that Siddhartha comes alive in because, I believe that it highlights all of these colors and the elements of nature that he greatly respects. Hesse probably chose this setting because it is a common scene, but it also perfectly represents what Siddhartha is going through. The mountains represent his goals and ambitions, the trees are the knowledge that Siddhartha seeks, while the flowing river is his rebirth into this new world with open eyes. The colors that stand out to him also have great significance. The green in the trees represent his hope that he has to escape from Self, The blue river represents his devotion and spirituality to his quest, and the yellow sunlight that falls down represents the truth that he is trying to uncover.

= Kamala =



Name: Kamala
Location: I live in Pleasure Grove Eyes: I have "Dark Eyes"(51). Hair: I have "Black Hair"(51).

About Me:
From my eyes you can tell that I am very "clever and observant"(51). My face represents a girl who is very "bright, very sweet, very clever"(51). I am an eloquent speaker and very good at giving advice to others through my "red mouth like a freshly cut fig"(51). My body is "supple as a jaguar and a hunter's bow"(72), I find that I often get what I want from the men around me.

Hobbies / Profession:
I often court men in my free time for there is not much that I have to do around my home. I do love literature and "poetry is very good"(57). I also love to hear stories about distant lands and people, especially a story about a man named Gotama. I often ask my friend to "tell me about Gotama"(80). He seems to be a very clever and intelligent man just like myself.

Looking For:
I am a very picky lady and my man must have "clothes, fine clothes, and shoes, fine shoes, and plenty of money in his purse and presents for Kamala"(54). If a man has all of these items than I shall be very happy. As a warning, if you should try to kiss my lips without these items and against my will, "not one drop of sweetness will you obtain from them"(55). If you want proper love from me, make sure you have these fine items and a proper amount of money before you come to visit me. Otherwise it would be a waste of time for both of us.

= SAMSARA =

1. I wake up in the mornings 2. I go to school early to do work in the library 3. I go to my classes 4. I eat lunch in the middle of my day 5. After school I workout 6. I spend like six hours on homework 7. I have dinner with my family every night 8. I can finally go back to bed



Right now I am living a simple yet stressful life, focusing on school, sports, and family. I wake up at three or four every morning to work on the homework I didn't finish the night before and then I'll shower and get ready so I can go to school at eight to study in the library with friends. Then I am stuck going to all my classes and savoring the seven minute break in between. After school I usually workout and shower again and then start on my homework. Later on, my family and I will sit down to have dinner and I will spend time with them until ten, when I am too tired and I'm dying to return to my bed. I feel like Siddhartha when he he lays in bed and says he, "felt dull and tired,"(78). My life is so stressful due to all of the expectations that people expect me to reach, and I feel like I am barely getting through my days. On my weekends is the only time when I, "experience some kind of happiness, some kind of excitement, some heightened living,"(79). I am able to spend time with family, be with friends and help people in the community. Siddhartha and I are currently living in a similar manner, just going through the motions but having those small moments that make life enjoyable.

= The River = media type="custom" key="24690380"
 * Billy Joel: River of Dreams**

In the middle of the night I go walking in my sleep From the mountains of faith To a river so deep I must be looking for something Something sacred I lost But the river is wide And it's too hard to cross
 * Lyrics**

And even though I know the river is wide I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore And try to cross to the opposite side So I can finally find out what I've been looking for

** Quote from Siddhartha **
"Siddhartha sank down at the foot of the coconut tree, overcome by fatigue. Murmu ring Om, he laid his head on the tree roots and sank into a deep sleep."

**Analysis:**
Billy Joel talks of dreaming and "looking for something sacred,"(Billy Joel) that he had lost. Siddhartha is doing the exact same thing at this point of the story. Siddhartha sinks down to thoughts of suicide but eventually is pulled out of these dark and desperate thoughts because of Om. Om saved and overcame Siddhartha when he, "sank into a deep sleep," (Hesse 90). It refreshed him and gave Siddhartha a new happiness that he had not felt in years. This is very similar to the sacred and hopefully fulfilling thing that Billy Joel describes. The desire to know this feeling both overcame them in their sleep.

Mutemath - Kiss the River
media type="custom" key="24561356"

Lyrics
And now I'm dying, just to live again And I am longing, waiting 'til the rain Becomes a river, swelling like a flood So I can dive into the sweetest love, Until I'm drowning, drowning in your life Somehow I'm living, I'm living just to die Just like the river, like it rolls into the sea So I surrender to the sweetest love, rolling over me Now I'm drowning, drowning in your life Somehow I'm living, living just to die Just like the river, as it rolls into the sea So I surrender to the sweetest love, Rolling over me Just let your river roll

**Quote from Siddhartha:** "Siddhartha had intended to drown himself, in it the old, tired, desperate Siddhartha had drowned today. But the new Siddhartha felt a deep love for this rushing water, and decided for himself, not to leave it very soon, "(Hesse 100).

Analysis:
Mutemath is one of my favorite artists and I was so excited to find this song. I believe that these lyrics almost perfectly describe Siddhartha's time by the river and the transformation that occurred inside of him that day. Siddhartha was desperate that day he went to the river, that "he had sought death," (Hesse 89). In the "Kiss the River" lyrics, Mutemath describes," somehow I'm living, I'm living just to die." (Mutemath). Siddhartha feels this way and just wants to give up. He believes that he is ruined and that there is no point in his life anymore;he believes that death is the answer. Once he falls asleep though and the spirit of Om has entered him, he rejoices with the happiness that has entered him and has a new appreciation for the river. Mutemath describes this new relationship that Siddhartha has formed with the river perfectly, "So I surrender to the sweetest love / rolling over me / just let your river roll." (Mutemath).

media type="custom" key="24690390" <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Time it took us <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">To where the water was <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">That's what the water gave me <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">And time goes quicker <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Between the two of us <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Oh, my love, don't forsake me <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: DroidSansRegular,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Take what the water gave me
 * Florence and the Machine - What the Water Gave Me**
 * Lyrics:**

"Yes," said the ferryman, "a very beautiful river, I love it more than anything. Often I have listened to it, often I have looked into its eyes, and always I have learned from it. Much can be learned from a river."
 * Quote from Siddhartha:**

**Analysis:** In this song by Florence and the Machine, this person is talking to her lover and is asking him to "take what the water gave to me." (F&M). She is talking about love but she might also mean her knowledge and everything that she has come to know and be. The Ferryman that Siddhartha meets is also like this. When he is describing the river he says, "I love it more than anything," and "much can be learned from a river," (Hesse 49). He gives credit back to the river and says that the water has given him a lot of things like knowledge and love. This knowledge and love can equally be represented through the lover in Florence and the Machine's song.