BethMSB

Beth McGuiggan`s Digital Scrapbook of Self Deprivation This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

**The Assignment **

To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel Siddhartha, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up my fan. Not something I need but I have trouble sleeping without.

Beginning of the Week When I first started this challenge I had to remind myself not to turn on my fan as it is an important part of bedtime checklist; put on pajamas, brush teeth, wash face, turn on fan and go to sleep. Without my fan I laid there in the dark imagining the hum my fan makes till I began thinking I'd accidently turned it on. Much like Siddhartha had uneasy dreams and his soul became restless, "dreams came to him, and uneasy thoughts, flowing to him from the water of the river...dreams came to him, and restlessness of the soul, smoking to him out of the sacrifices"(Hesse 2). Siddhartha was hearing his calling. This is when he makes up his mind to leave. When I heard an echo of my fan inside my head, leaving me wondering if I had turned it on. It caused a restlessness of my soul and sleep would come later than normal.

Middle of the Week

As my week continued I began to notice that, while I had slight problems getting to sleep, I would take longer to wake up than when my fan was on. With my room now silent with the absence of my fan, I've had to change my routine for falling asleep. When I go to sleep now I must focus on the silence. Were as before I would ignore my fan and push the noise to the background. When Siddhartha joined the Samanas he learned to ignore pain,thirst, hunger, and tiredness, "silently Siddhartha stood beneath the fierce vertical rays of the sun, burning with pain, burning with thirst, and he stood there until he no longer felt pain or thirst"(8). Just as I laid there in the dark focusing on the silence until I no longer heard the silence and sleep came.

End of the Week By the end of the week I'd noticed a few constants it always took longer to sleep and in the last 2-3 days I've been waking up really early. On the morning of the last day as my mother woke up my brother I woke up as well. Even though I was still tired and didn't have to get up for another half hour I was up and could not go back to sleep. Another constant was that I would wait for sleep to come and keep waiting till sleep came. Such as when Siddhartha asks his father for permission to join the Aesthetics and waits throughout the night for his father to say yes not taking no for an answer. "Siddhartha," he said,"what are you waiting for?" "You know what for." "Will you keep on standing and waiting like this until it is day, noon,evening?

"I shall stand and wait"(6). Like Siddhartha stood and waited. I laid in my bed and waited. Both of us for something we wanted and would not take no for answer. I guess we're both stubborn. I have now given up my fan for 2 weeks. I believe I will continue with this self denial because it is better for the environment,by not wasting so much electricity. I also wake up earlier which helps me get ready for school on time.

I drew a mountain, a river and a forest because that was the surrounding in which Siddhartha found himself. I incorporated these words because Siddhartha meaning in everything," Meaning and essence were not somewhere or other in back of things, they were in them, in everything"(22). Hesse uses the surroundings and colors in the story to impact this setting. Siddhartha is being "reborn" which is represented by the blue waters of the river. The mountains are strong, tall dependable things that guide Siddhartha on his way. The sunlight shining on his path gives him an innocence in his rebirth. Green for relaxing, yellow for wisdom and ideas, and blue for opportunity.



Name: Kamala the Courtesan

Location: I live in the grove outside of town.

My eyes are "dark... clever and alert"(28)

I have "high-piled black hair"(28)

About her: Kamala is a courtesan. She is very rich has many servants and has high expectations for Siddhartha,"many young men visit me...they come in fine clothes, they come in elegant shoes, they have perfumed their hair and money in their purses."(30) It is then Siddhartha decides to accumulate all those things, to be with her. As he and Kamala grow closer Siddhartha finds he can not love her but he does care for her and Kamala cares for him.

Hobbies/Profession: Kamala`s job is to train men of elite status the art of love. Kamala spends her time lounging about, walking through her grove, or entertaining guests. Kamala is not spoiled but is used to having her way (especially with men). She likes the finer things in life for example. She is well read and educated. She`s a very positive upbeat type of person. She likes her job and is not afraid of men because,"love can be won by begging, it can be bought, received as a gift, found on the street, but it can not be stolen"(31). Kamala`s job comes with its share of dangers but she is brave and proud. Perhaps it`s this that attracts men to her.

Looking For: Kamala is looking for a confident man someone who can stand up to her just like when Kamala asks why she should be afraid of Siddhartha he stands up to her and responds,"he is strong, the samana, and afraid of nothing. He could take you by force,pretty girl"(31). It then she realizes hes not a spineless man she just wasted her time with but someone who is confident and bold. She wants a man that will respect her as both a teacher and a woman. Someone with wealth they deserved, through their actions and deeds. Most of all Kamala wants someone she could be happy with.

My Daily Life: 1. My Mom wakes me up 2. ride bus 3. learn 4.eat nasty school lunch 5. learn some more 6. ride bus (ignore annoying middle school kids) 7. Watch T.V. 8. homework

Analysis: I have a very boring, basic high school student type life. I always want to sleep. I complain constantly about my bus. My classes blur with lunch always having gross food and boring conversations. The only thing able to get me through the day is that in the end my T.V. is always there for me. My T.V. is the only thing that keeps me from abandoning this boring routine,much like Kamala is the only thing that kept Siddhartha from leaving for so long,"Only Kamala had been dear to him, had had value for him" (45).

media type="custom" key="24661736" align="left"

Lyrics: "The water becomes siddhartha`s teacher Sometimes powerful and stern Sometimes gentle, forgiving"

Quote From Text: "he wanted to learn from it, he wanted to listen to it"(54) Analysis: Siddhartha adopts the river as his teacher. He feels the calmness and serenity of the river can help in his "rebirth" from the Samanas.

media type="custom" key="24661772" align="left" (taken from Thea mwahahahaha)

Lyrics: Instrumental song, no lyrics

Quote From Text: "he merely felt the stirrings of a premonition, a distant recollection, divine voices"(55). Analysis: This song seems to be searching trying to grasp something. It reminds me of Siddhartha telling the Ferryman about his life,"as he listened, he absorbed it all, family and childhood, all the learning, all the seeking, all the joy, all the distress"(56). The river absorbs all it helps Siddhartha carry his burdens and above all, listens. This song voices what Siddhartha feels as he gets ready to die. It speaks of his desperation and his sorrow.

media type="custom" key="24661788" align="left"

Lyrics: "What I love most about rivers is: You cant step in the same river twice The water`s always changing, always flowing"

Quote From Text: "this water flowed and flowed, it kept on flowing, and yet it was always there; it was always and at all times the same and yet new every moment!"(54-55 Hesse) Analysis: As Pocahontas rows down the river she contemplates what she is doing with her life. Siddhartha does the same when he decides to learn from the river and find his path. They both recognize that rivers are always changing just as life and people are always changing.