SarahScrapbook2

=**Sarah's Self-Realization Digital Scrapbook!**=

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 * To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel //Siddhartha//, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up watching TV, because it will give me more time to do other things.**=====



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 * At the beginning of the week, I was excited to do this portion of the project, because I had always wanted to try to give up something that I probably shouldn't be doing, but I never had the motivation to act upon it before. And...voila! Motivation strikes again! As the first few days unfolded, the thought to just relax and turn on the TV hit me a few times, but was easily deflected by my determination to see this through to the end. I learned that if I just kept ignoring the slight niggling urge for a few minutes, I would soon forget about it, and it would quit bugging me, like how Siddhartha dealt with his pains by, "[standing] beneath the fierce vertical rays of the sun, burning with pain, burning with thirst, and he stood there until he felt either pain nor thirst" (Hesse 8). TV didn't seem as important, anymore, not after I thought about how much more difficult Siddhartha's life must have been like at that time, while I'm only giving up one thing, and am absolutely not trying to deny my Self! Not immediately rushing to the lighted box we call a 'television' after school gave me time to think about my day, focus more easily, and...(wait for it,)... even complete my homework at a reasonable hour. This assignment also is making me realize that I am even MORE relaxed after a chaotic (but seemingly more regular in occurrence) day of school, without TV, because instead, I read, read, read, or just sit there, relaxing, and indulging in the luxury of the fact that I don't have to begin my homework schedule for a while. I could just, (get this) seize the moment in life (as depicted above). Maybe this is just in the fact that this is only the second day, but I am starting to have fun with this project. I also had more time in the mornings, as well, for that is usually when I complete the current, excruciatingly long and boring AP World History outline! (My Mom didn't even believe me when she walked into my room at night, and I told her, "Yes, Mom, I'm actually //completely finished// with my homework before the morning has even arisen. //Yes//, Mom, I'm sure. //No,// Mom, I don't need you to check just to be sure!") Now, I don't have to do, or even //worry// about doing my homework in the long, lonesome hours before school, so I get to //sleep in.// Y'know, until about 7:30, or so. Still... a HUGE bonus there!**=====

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 * Wow, huge surprise to me and the rest of my family. I'm still not watching TV! I still have the once-and-a-while thought popping into my head to turn on the TV and give in. After all, it sounds as if plenty of other people gave up or are about to cave in! Then, I began wanting to give up on this project even more when my brother would just come home from school and fire up the other glowing box of the world, the computer. Yep, he would sit there and play computer games right after school, while //some people// had a self-deprivation assignment to complete! Oh, sure, I would always run upstairs as quickly as I could in order to lessen my suffering, and see as little of the taunt as possible, but the feeling of longing was still within my grasp! Nevertheless, I was tempted to change my challenge to something completely different, like no bed. Even that seemed like the ideal when faced with that option or losing the opportunity to see the same episodes of the same shows that I have already seen, over and over again. After all, the whole point of his exercise is to change your routine for the (seemingly) better! It was even Siddhartha who said, "'What is concentration?...It is a flight from the self, it is a brief numbing of the mind to counter pain and the senselessness of life. The same escape, the same brief numbing is found by the ox drover in his inn when he drinks a few bowls of rice wine... [Then] he finds the same thing that Siddhartha and Govinda find, when, in lengthy exercises, they are released from their bodies and dwell in the nonself"(9). I figured that there are many ways for each person to do this assignment, with multiple things that one could give up, but then decided against changing my idea of no TV. I knew it was going to be hard for me to get through it, but that's why this deprivation was the one that I needed to do in order to (partially) understand why Siddhartha felt he had to be an ascetic; to choose his own, unique path in life. After I got over the stage of self-pity, I went and did other things with my time, (even besides reading). For instance, one night, my whole family decided to play many different kinds of intellectual word and card games, and the time went MUCH faster than it would have if I had been watching the soul-wrenching shows. Hmmm....if someone had told me that I would be saying that now, I wouldn't have believed them. Well... maybe.**======

=End of the Week-=

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//"We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah! Lo hicimos! We did it, yeah!"(Dora the Explorer).// //-// =**Awakening:**= =The Quote-=
 * By the end of the week, I wanted to get rid of the TV, simply because, "none of it was worth the trouble of a glance, it was all a lie, it all stank, it all stank of lies, it all gave the illusion of meaning and happiness and beauty, and it was all unacknowledged decay. The world [instead,] had a bitter taste"(7). I have heard this plenty from my parents before; shows on the television are not applicable to real life, in the //real// world, but I had never listened up until now. This is sort of true, holds some merit, and because of that, I felt disgusted for wasting so much of my time watching "//those// (insert accusing finger point here) silly shows"(Mom). Nevertheless, I feel as if my life and my Self have truly benefited from this experience, and that I have learned much about who I am and who others are because of their habits and for this, I am grateful for being assigned this project. I can see how one may dread this type of self-deprivation, but, like Govinda, I feel as if, "we have learned much, [and] much still remains to be learned. We are not going around in a circle, we are proceeding upward; the circle is a spiral, and we have already climbed many a step"(10). The simple idea of giving up something that you so often do, to the extent that you are burying yourself under possessions and actions, is the ideal way to climb up the steps of learning the secrets to life ad what it is withholding.** **I realize that now I want to continue with this (trivial-Hah!) pursuit, just to see how long it goes, and if, in the long run, it would drastically change my life in any way.** **I think I've even kicked my craving for TV shows to the curb, maybe indefinitely!** //[Sidebar from the next day: Yeah, forget what I just wrote...]// **But anyway, I at least got through the week, and it WAS an interesting challenge. Even if I do go back to my old habits of TV watching, I will still keep in mind the fact that, with the right motivation, I can go without fanciful shows for quite some time. Willpower!** //(Added after the assignment was over...)// **I have begun watching a few shows, now and again, but they are not as interesting to watch anymore, and I will often get bored halfway through, and then simply turn it off in order to do something else with my time.** **During even a new show, now, I will contemplate whether it is even watching it on the first showing, for, after all, it will be on reruns PLENTY of times after, so what's the point? I'm sure that I'll catch it up eventually! I've even taken to reading or relaxing after school first, even when I didn't have to, as I did when the project was taking place. I may even want to try this assignment again in the near future, with not watching TV again, or possibly something else, like doing homework on the night it is assigned in order to not procrastinate, or keeping my room completely clean, or even all three ideas at once. (Sigh) Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to see what the future holds, and test my willpower to the max. WILLPOWER!!!**=====

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=The Image-= =Analysis-=
 * Siddhartha felt as if he had separated himself from all that he had ever known and loved in the world. When he realized to what extent that his decision will change his life, "he felt that in that grove his previous life, too had remained behind him and separated itself from him...He thought it over profoundly; as if sinking into deep waters, he let himself reach the bottom of that feeling, all the way to where the causes reside"(20). After a few more trials at extracting his feelings, he realized that in order to find who he is, he has to lessen his concentration on seeking //Atman//, for this search would obliterate his Self. Once he realizes what to do, and decides to teach himself, he felt as is if, "From that moment, in which the world melted away from him all around, in which he stood alone like a star in the sky...Siddhartha emerged, more himself than before, his powers more firmly compacted. He felt that this had been the final shudder of awakening, the final throe of birth"(23). Then, Siddhartha walked quickly towards his new destination, forming his new path, one that no one else had ever previously constructed, in order to be entirely and ultimately with his Self.**=====

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 * I drew Siddhartha in the center of the entire representation, with a stance of total peace, for here was the time that he discovered his true goal out of life.** **He is additionally drawn away from the grove in which he had most recently resided, and where his friend, Govinda, the Buddha, and the disciples were quickly learning their new roles in a Buddhist life. He is looking up at the sun and the moon, and below him are the colorful mountains, river, and trees that he finally recognized during his enlightenment experience. From all sides that surround him, he is enveloped in water, which is where he felt as if he, "****thought [his feelings of separation] over profoundly; as if sinking into deep waters"(20). There is a star shooting out from his soul, as well, for his time of enlightenment concluded when, "****the world melted away from him all around, in which he stood alone like a star in the sky"(23). His new-found love for nature is finally expressed through the oneness and correlation of each individual portion of the artwork, and the separation of themselves from everything else as well. This picture shows the mixture of emotions welling up from Siddhartha like a hot spring.**=====

=**Kamala:**=

//**My 'outstanding' Physical Features:**//
//I have,"high-piled black hair [with] a very fair, very soft, very clever face, with bright-red lips like a newly opened fig, eyebrows well tended and painted in the form of high arches, dark eyes clever and alert, a long, fair neck emerging from the gr////een-and-gold outer garment, [and] fair hands at rest, long and narrow, with wide gold bracelets at the wrists"(28).//

// to believe that my simple existence makes,"entering this town [have] a favorable omen" (29).I believe that, "love can be //
// won by begging, it can be bought, received as a gift, found on the street, but it can not be stolen" (31). There is also no // ====//w//// ay for a poor man to become rich, and will always be poor. I am a very good kisser, which is why I have many //// clothes,shoes, jewelry, and ////beautiful things. I cannot read, as many people cannot, and am constantly surprised when someone can.//====

//**Looking For:**//
====There are many things in which I require of men whom I associate with. For example, "many young men visit me, and there are Brahmans' sons among them, too, but they come in fine clothes, they come in elegant shoes, they have perfumed hair and money in their purses" (30).====

//**Hobbies:**//
====//I am a ren//owned courtesan, who enjoys proceeding around town with my servants carry myself, as well as many of my possessions, around on a colorful, canopied sedan chair. I enjoy being flirtatious with my peacock-feather fan, and when I kiss men in the way that I do, I usually make them feel as if, "[I] was teaching him, that [I] was wise, that [I] dominated him, repulsed him, and lured him on" (32) in that first kiss with me.====

=**Samsara:**=

**7. I think my thought bubble says it all...**
Kidding...mostly**
 * When I get to go to Ms. Riddle's class!**

(From Pixton.com)

Quote:
"'But he possesses the secret of those people to whom success comes all on its own, whether because a lucky star was shining when they were born, or through magic, or through something he learned from the samanas. He always appears to be merely playing with business, it never completely occupies his mind, it never dominates him, he is never afraid of failure, he never frets over a loss'" (56-57).

Analysis:
On a typical day, I usually get up in the morning earlier than I need to, and FAR earlier than I should, in order to get up and get ready for school. That time is usually between 5:00-6:00 AM. I am a morning person, and can never quite get back to sleep after my mental alarm clock goes off. I am still tired at that point, however. Then, I usually get up, finish any lingering homework, and read or relax. Somehow, though, I always seem to be rushing right before I need to run to the bus. Afterwards, I get to school, go through classes that are different every day, but seem to be the same material, go to some form of practice, and then go home to do as much homework as possible, before I have to wake up and do the same thing the next day. I always try to be optimistic with my schedule, and try to see the bright side to all of my routines. This doesn't always work, though, and I sludge through the week, with my routines taking over my life and everything that I think about. I wish I could be like Siddhartha, who Kamaswami says, "'He always appears to be merely playing with business, it never completely occupies his mind, it never dominates him, he is never afraid of failure, he never frets over a loss'" (57). Although Siddhartha has a very difficult, typical, and most likely boring, schedule, he doesn't allow his work to overtake his personality. I think that now, my goal ought to be to take some time for myself, away from all of my routines, in order to be calmer, and complete my tasks effectively, just like Siddhartha.

=**The River:**=

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**Song:** "Green Valley" by Puscifer
Hello stranger, Can you tell us where you've been? More importantly, How ever did you come to be here? Though a stranger, You can rest here for a while. But save your energy, Your journey here is far from over. Come the sunrise, We'll descend through Judgement Valley And weigh your worth Before her majesty, the Verde River.
 * Lyrics:**

"When he reached the ferry, the boat was just in readiness, and the same ferryman who had once taken the young samana across the river was standing in the boat. Siddhartha recognized him; he, too had greatly aged. 'Will you take me across?' he asked. The ferryman, astonished to see such an elegant man alone and on foot, took him into the boat and shoved off. 'You have chosen a fine life,' the passenger said. 'It must be beautiful to live by this water every day and to travel on it.' The oarsman rocked to and fro, smiling: 'It is a beautiful, sir, it is just as you say. But is not every life, not every occupation, beautiful?' 'his may be. but I envy you for yours.' ;Oh, you would soon lose your pleasure in it. It is not for people in fine clothes.' Siddhartha laughed. 'Earlier today I was also judged by my clothes, and was looked on with distrust. Ferryman, will you accept as a gift from me these clothes, which are a burden to me? For you ought to know, I have no money to pay you for my passage.' 'You are joking, sir,' the ferryman laughed....For some time the ferryman looked at the stranger, examining him. 'Now I recognize you,' he finally said. 'You once slept in my hut, long ago, it must have been over twenty years ago, and I took you across the river, and we said good-bye like good friends....I hope you will be my guest today, too, and sleep in my hut, and tell me where you are coming from, and why your beuatiful clothes are such a burden to you' (55-56).
 * Quote from the text:**

Analysis**:**
The ferryman had not recognized Siddhartha at first, and had judged him by his appearances, like so many people generally do. He was 'weighing' (Puscifer) his worth before he had gotten to know him. As Siddhartha told the ferryman of his tale, and said how his clothes and wealth were weighing him down, the ferryman learned to trust him, and weigh his worth on his actions. When the ferryman recognized Siddhartha, he said, "'I hope you will be my guest today, too, and sleep in my hut, and tell me where you are coming from, and why your beautiful clothes are such a burden to you'" (Hesse 55-56), because he was finalizing his faith in Siddhartha, and wanted to hear of his adventures that he had long ago would not have imagined. In the song, one is asking, "Hello stranger, can you tell us where you've been? More importantly, how ever did you come to be here? Though a stranger, you can rest here for a while. But save your energy, your journey here is far from over'" (Puscifer). This is also and example of when a stranger wishes to know how one's life has been, and explaining how a person's life could change for the better by the unlikely meeting.

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**Song:** "The Proudest Monkey" by Dave Matthews Band
Then comes the day  Staring at myself I turn to question me  I wonder do I want the simple, simple life that I once lived in well  Oh things were quiet then  In a way they were the better days  But now I am the proudest monkey you've ever seen.
 * Lyrics:**

"His features distorted, he stared into the water; seeing the reflection of his face, he spat at it. In profound weariness he detached his arm from the tree trunk and turned his body slightly so that he would fall vertically, and finally perish. His eyes closed, he was dropping to his death" (47).
 * Quote from the text:**


 * Analysis:**

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In the book, Siddhartha was questioning what he was doing in his life, and believeing that he had no reason to move on in life, that he would rather die than live the life he was now. As "his features distorted, he stared into the water; seeing the reflection of his face, he spat at it" (Hesse 47), Siddhartha was much like the monkey in the song, where he was saying, "Staring at myself I turn to question me I wonder do I want the simple, simple life that I once lived in well. Oh things were quiet then, in a way they were the better days" (Dave Matthews Band). Both characters questioned life, and wondered what they were (or weren't) going to do with themselves next. They both got back up, again, however, and lived to face another day. =====

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**Song:** "The River" by Garth Brooks

 * Lyrics:**

You know a dream is like a river Ever changing as it flows And the dreamer's just the vessel That must follow where it goes Trying to learn from what's behind you And never knowing what's in store Makes each day a constant battle Just to stay between the shores.

"'Yes,' said the ferryman, 'It is a very beautiful river. I love it above everything. I have often listened to it, gazed at it, and I have always learned something from it. One can learn much from a river'" (27).
 * Quote from the text:**

Analysis**:**
Along Siddhartha's long journey, he had wandered back to the river, several times, trying to find answers to life's persistent questions. Looking into the river many times, he had always learned something from it, guiding him towards his next step towards enlightenment. This is what the ferryman is trying to tell Siddhartha when he says, "'It is a very beautiful river. I love it above everything. I have often listened to it, gazed at it, and I have always learned something from it. One can learn much from a river'" (27). These learning experiences from the river can take many forms, like what is said in the song: "You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows. And the dreamer's just the vessel, that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you, and never knowing what's in store makes each day a constant battle" (Brooks). The song tells of the struggles of life, and how the river will help you get back up again, just as Siddhartha has learned from his river.

=Works Cited= Hesse, Herman. //Siddhartha//. New York: Bantam, 1971.