GwenPSB

Gwen's Scrapbook This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

=With the Samanas =

The Assignment
On a regular basis, I wear dresses and sweaters along with cute flats or boots. To gain a better understanding of the Samanas, we had to give up something we do not need. I gave up dressing up for a week and started dressing down. Majorly. No jeans, dresses, sweaters, button ups, boots, or anything "fancy." Just t-shirts, shorts, and running shoes.

The Beginning
The first few days of dressing down went very well. I was more comfortable than ever. After school, I have cross country practice. Dressing down meant I didn't have to do a wardrobe change before practice. I was thinking that either I picked something way to easy for the assignment, or giving up some things wasn't all that bad. Siddhartha said, "I believe in my heart, we have already tasted the best fruit of it." (Hesse, 23).

The Failure
On the fourth day of the assignment, I gave in. I put on jeans, boots, a nice sweater, and a leather jacket. I gave in because I was going to see a movie with my friend Emily, who is a senior. She had invited a large group of seniors, and I didn't want to present myself as a slob by wearing baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Govinda says, "We have learned, and are still learning." (16).

Reflection
The "With the Samanas" assignment taught me that I care about other people's opinion and that I, more so than I imagined, was scared of being judged. In //Siddhartha//, a verse from the Upanishads is referenced by Govinda; "He whose reflective pure spirit sinks into Atman/ Knows bliss inexpressible through words." (19).

=Awakening =

The Quote
In //Siddhartha//, when Siddhartha first leaves the Samanas, he sees the world through his own eyes for the first time. " The world was beautiful strange and mysterious. Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself. All this, all this yellow and blue, river and wood, passed for the first time across Siddhartha's eyes. It was no longer the magic of Mara, it was no more the veil of Maya, it was no longer meaningless and the chance diversities of the appearances of the world, despised by deep-thinking Brahmins, who scorned diversity, who sought unity. River was river, and if the One and Divine in Siddhartha secretly lived in blue and river, it was just the divine art and intention that there should be yellow and blue, there sky and wood -- and here Siddhartha. Meaning and reality were not hidden somewhere behind things, they were in them, in all of them" (39).

The Illustration
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<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Analysis
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">The world that appeared before Siddhartha included trees, mountains, and rivers, so I illustrated the scenery as such. The sun is emitting yellow light, along with orange and red light. The river is blue, as Hesse described, flowing through the forest, even though there are very few trees. <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">The yellow displays a symbolic archetype of enlightenment. The blue water shows tranquility and calmness. The trees represent life.

=<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Kamala = =<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.5;">Name: Kamala = <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Location: The Pleasure Grove <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Eyes: Dark brown (51) <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; line-height: 1.5;">Hair: Long and black (51) <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">About Myself: I am very wealthy and can afford high end materialistic things. I also am a fan of the color gold, and a large amount of my wardrobe is wealthy. Hesse said, "... and a clear slender neck above her green and gold gown. THe woman's hands were firm and smooth, long and slender, with broad gold bangles on her wrists." (51). <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Hobbies/ Profession: In my profession, prostitution, I meet and learn from many men. I enjoy teaching them new things as well. I also enjoy poetry, especially original poetry. I liked Siddhartha's poetry immensely; "Your poetry is very good, brown Samana, and truly there is nothing to lose if I give you a kiss for it." (56). <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; line-height: 1.5;">What I'm Looking for: I can be quoted in //<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; line-height: 1.5;">Siddhartha //<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; line-height: 1.5;"> on the ideal characteristics I see in my soul mate. "He must have clothes, fine clothes, and shoes, fine shoes, and plenty of presents for Kamala." (54). I want someone intelligent with a deep understanding of the world and someone established.

<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 1.4em; line-height: 1.5;">**Samsara**

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">My Daily Routine
<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">1. Wake up. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">2. Play piano until my ride gets to my house <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">3. Drive the back roads to school.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;"> 5. Go to lacrosse, cross country, or band. 4. Go to classes like Mrs. Coffman's and Mr. Wayne's. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">6. Go home and eat dinner. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">7. Do homework. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">8. Watch television. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">9. Go to bed.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">The Analysis
<span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">My daily routine begins with waking up sometime between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m. followed by making oatmeal and playing piano until my ride or the bus arrives at my house. I then attend my classes all day and then lacrosse, cross country, or band practice after school. By the time I get home, I'm starving, so I scarf down dinner. When it's time for homework, I'm never excited about it, so I attempt to do it quickly to allow myself time to watch television before bed. Siddhartha poses a question; "This game called Samsara, a game for children,a game which was perhaps enjoyable played once, twice, ten times- but was it worth it playing continually?" (Hesse, 84). I suppose that my daily routine will eventually become boring.

=<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">The River = <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; line-height: 0px; overflow: hidden;">media type="custom" key="24519964"

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Song: River of Dreams by Billy Joel
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Lyrics: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">In the middle of the night <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I go walking in my sleep <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Through the jungle of doubt <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">To a river so deep

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I know I'm searching for something <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Something so undefined <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">That it can only be seen <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">By the eyes of the blind <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">In the middle of the night

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Quote from the book: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">"Govinda said: 'You say you are making a pilgrimage, and I believe you. But forgive me, Siddhartha, you do not look like a pilgrim. You are wearing the clothes of a rich man, you are wearing the shoes of a man of fashion, and your perfumed heir is not the hair of a pilgrim, it is not the hair of a Samana.' 'You have observed well my friend; you see everything with your sharp eyes. But I did not tell you that I am a Samana."

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Analysis: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I love this song, so I just had to use it! After Siddhartha escapes Samsara, he goes on a pilgrimage to find himself again, which is "undefined," (Joel). Siddhartha comes upon Govinda on his journey, who is doesn't quite believe Siddhartha is on a pilgrimage because of Siddhartha's attire. This is his "jungle of doubt," (Joel). Siddhartha makes a point to Govinda, "'Govinda said: 'You say you are making a pilgrimage, and I believe you. But forgive me, Siddhartha, you do not look like a pilgrim...' 'You have observed well my friend; you see everything with your sharp eyes. But I did not tell you that I am a Samana," (Hesse, 93).His point is that he was looking for himself again and that his materialistic lifestyle doesn't change that. If a blind man had talked to Siddhartha, the man would have no misunderstanding with Siddhartha.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">media type="custom" key="24520314"

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Song: Singing in the Rain performed by Gene Kelly
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Lyrics: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Come on with the rain <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I've a smile on my face <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I'll walk down the lane <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">With a happy refrain <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">'Cause I'm singing <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Just singing in the rain.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Quote from the book: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">"These thoughts passed through his mind. Smiling, he listened to his stomach, listened thankfully to a humming bee. Happily, he looked into the flowing river." (Hesse, 100).

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Analysis: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">In this song, the lead from "Singing in the Rain" has just fallen in love, and expresses his joy in song by describing how happy he is. Siddhartha has a similar experience, minus the precipitation. "Happily, he looked into the flowing river," (100) because something spoke to him about it. He was falling in love with it because he knew he would once again find his true self and enlightenment through the river in due time.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">media type="custom" key="24653510"

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Song: The River by Good Charlotte
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Lyrics: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">In the city was a sinner <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I've done a lot of things wrong but I swear I'm a believer

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Quote from the book: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">"Siddhartha wandered into the forest, already far from the town, and knew only one thing- that he could not go back, that the life he had lived for many years was past, tasted and drained to a degree of nausea. . . He wished passionately for oblivion, to be at rest, to be dead," (Hesse, 87).

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Analysis: <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Siddhartha leaves the town because he went against the way of the Samanas and had a wake up call. He is aware of his misdoings, so, <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">"Siddhartha wandered into the forest, already far from the town, and knew only one thing- that he could not go back," (87). He wants to go back to his Samana lifestyle because he's "done a lot of things wrong" but he "swears he's a believer," (Good Charlotte). Siddhartha is trying to work to prove he is still a believer in the ways of the Samanas by going on a pilgrimage, or more so, to find himself.