AlexandraScrabook7

__**Alexandra's Self-Realization Scrapbook**__

=With the Samanas= ==

The Assignment
To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel //Siddhartha//, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up seltzer water (carbonated water), which I drink as much as most people nowadays prefer to drink soda (a.k.a A LOT). My reactions to this deprivation are quite mixed.

The Beginning of the Week:
I started out on a Friday, right when I got home from school. Usually, I grab a can of seltzer water at that time, and I noticed the absence of the usual daily routine. I was apprehensive on whether I could handle this deprivation, but when working on homework I felt fine. That ended as soon as I ate dinner. Dinner is the main time that I drink seltzer water, just to wash my food down. I was quite thirsty after my meal. The next day, Saturday, I was not craving and I felt confident that I could handle this challenge. Like the day before, this confidence ended just as soon as I ate dinner. I needed something to wash down my big dinner...but what could I drink?

The Middle of the Week:
Sunday came along and I was stressed on working and finishing my homework load. I was working hard and I felt the dire need of a seltzer water as a pick-me-up. But I had to push it away and concentrate on my work instead. I felt like Siddhartha when he first became an ascetic, and he "stood under the sun, filled with pain and thirst, and stood until he no longer felt pain and thirst."(14) I kept working and ignoring my thirst until finally it had dulled to a simple craving, but it was still there for the entire day. Monday rolled through, meaning more homework and more desire for seltzer water. I had discovered that one way to combat this constant thirst was drinking a non-carbonated form of seltzer water--regular water! Of course, why hadn't I thought of it earlier? Drinking water would appease my appetite for a liquid, quench my thirst, and was also good for me! I felt a new surge of confidence that THIS time, the absence of seltzer water would go by unnoticed.

The End of the Week:
On Tuesday, I wasn't craving seltzer water too much, no matter what I was doing. While replacing it with water ended the cravings, there was still something missing after dinner, though. It just didn't entirely satisfy my thirst, kind of like how Siddartha felt during his Samanas. He had a thirst for knowledge, but, try as he might, he "never had quenched the final thirst." (8) My thirst was literal, and it lasted almost the whole night; after all, we ate fried chicken, and it was quite salty.

Wednesday was a day that was more stressful than Sunday. I was so busy with homework that not only was my dinner reduced to a very small portion, but I was no longer craving seltzer water. I just wanted to get my work done and I couldn't care less about what I drank. In conclusion to all the previous ways I reacted to craving, you would think that I would always suffer when I ate a big dinner or when I was working hard, but that was averted on Wednesday.

In conclusion, like Siddhartha, I "felt thirst conquered thirst, felt new thirst," (15) and continued for six days in this continuous cycle. I may not have thoroughly enjoyed this Samana, but I did learn about the circumstances in which I really want something, and the willpower that I have to avoid it. As to whether I'd want to do this again or not...the answer is probably no. But I do notice some change in how much I drink seltzer water now. I guess while habits are hard to break, they are also hard to mend back together again.

=Awakening=

The Quotes
"He pondered deeply, like diving into deep water: he let himself sink down to the bottom of the sensation...” (37).

“Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green; the sky and the river flowed, the forest and the mountains were fixed in their places.” (39).

"Out of this moment when the world melted away all around him, when he stood alone like a star in the sky...” (41).

Analysis
Starting from the bottom right corner, I drew Siddhartha thinking while sitting underwater. Before Siddhartha awakened, he was thinking as if he "was diving into deep water" and in mypicture he "let himself sink down to the bottom of the sensation” (37) . like he did when he was thinking. Above him in the picture are mountains, a forest, and a winding river. I drew this because when he was awakening, “Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green; the sky and the river flowed, the forest and the mountains were fixed in their places.” (39). I wanted to incorporate what that might of looked like for him as he awakened. I drew Siddhartha walking from the water where he was thinking on to the path of awakening. I colored this path yellow and drew a yellow light casting over him since when he was awakening there "was yellow" (39). I drew, behind Siddhartha walking on the path, two eyes that were opening, representing his awakening and how his eyes were opened. Finally, as he walks along the path of awakening, the light and colors fade into black with many stars. This is because when Siddhartha awakened, a different sensation besides colors and senses affected him. Since he had reached a new state of being, and he was alone while doing so, and this was when "the world melted away all around him, when he stood alone like a star in the sky...” (41). This is what happens in the picture; everything melts away until there are nothing but stars, and a path to awakening.

Note: Siddartha's "awakening" was not the same thing as reaching Enlightenment (in terms of Buddhism). "Enlightenment" is achieving total loss of the Self and being able to be free of needs and desires, and ultimatly suffering. "Awakening" on the other hand, the one that Siddhartha underwent, is the complete opposite. His senses and inner Self was rejuvinated. Everything that he tried to get rid of to lose his Self came back to him and he embraced it.

=**Kamala**= **Name**: Kamala
 * Location**: The Pleasure Grove (52)
 * Eyes**: Dark Brown
 * Hair**: Chocolate Brown

**About Me:**
I am sweet, clever, bright, and observant, and I always wear perfume. Many say that my mouth is "like a freshly cut fig" (51, 54), and that I can use them to kiss very well.

**Hobbies / Profession:**
I am "a well known courtesan" (52), and "many young men come to me." (54) I teach them what knowledge of love that I can give. But I only give my knowledge if I want to give it.

**Looking For:**
I have certain requirements that I always expect a man to have if he comes to me: "He must have clothes, fine clothes, and shoes, fine shoes, and presents for Kamala." (54)

He must also be very handsome; so handsome that "his glance pleases women." (61)

Like me, I expect this man to be clever. When dealing with merchants or other people of power, I expect my man to "be friendly towards him" (59) but "not be too modest." (59) I do not want my man "to be his servant, but his equal;" (59) otherwise I will not be impressed.

I do not waste my time teaching servants.

Yes, this is what I offer and what I require if a man were to want lessons from Kamala about love.

To those of you who are willing and able to become Kamala's friend and pupil, I'll be waiting...

=Samsara=

My Daily Life
//1. Wake up// //2. Get prepared for school// //3. Eat breakfast (with coffee)// //4. Leave home to go to school, after saying farewell to my parrot, Valient// //5. Go to school// //6. Come home from school, greeting Valient// //7. Doing homework// //8. Go to sleep//

Quote from Siddhartha
"Like a veil, like a thin mist, a weariness settled on Siddhartha, slowly, every day a little thicker, every month a little darker, every year a little heavier." (78)

The Comic!
http://www.pixton.com/comic/j1m4let9

Analysis
A majority of my weeks are school days. On those days, I wake up at 6:00 am, wishing I could stay in bed a little longer, and prepare myself for the day. Still tired or half asleep, I eat my breakfast, which is almost always paired with freshly brewed mug of coffee. I leave out the door to go to school after saying a quick goodbye to my parrot, Valient, whose cage sits near the doorway. I go to school, usually dropped off by my mother before she drives to work, and then I stay in school until the allotted time for them to let us out, and I usually walk home from school after that. Sometimes, though, especially in cold weather, my mother picks me up. As soon as I come home, I greet Valient at the doorway and then I have to do homework. I usually spend the rest of the night doing this, feeling very tired. At some point of time at the end, I sleep.

Some days I can definitely feel a similar kind of "weariness" [that] settled on Siddhartha" (78), and that each passing hour it was until I finally go to sleep at night.

=The River= media type="youtube" key="kXCSxLIJD9k" height="315" width="420"

**Song: River of Dreams by Billy Joel**
"I've been searching for something
 * Lyrics:**

Taken out of my soul

Something I'd never lose

Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night

But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore."

"He stopped at this river and stood hesitatingly on the bank. Fatigue and hunger had weakened him. Why should he go any further, where, and for what purpose?" (88)
 * Quote from the text:**

"A chilly emptiness in the water reflected the terrible emptiness in his soul." (88)

In the song River of Dreams by Billy Joel, a man is looking for something in his dreams, and he constantly is stopped by a "river so deep". Not only is this a good reference to the river that Siddhartha faces when he's fully nausiated with himself, but it also represents his feelings of weariness and emptiness at this point of time. The man in the song is too tired from searching for the part of his soul that is missing. Siddhartha is full of fatigue, hunger, and self-hatred that he feels he can't live anymore, since his soul is so empty.
 * Analysis:**

media type="youtube" key="vGD8aQ2GKr0" height="315" width="420"

**Song: Take Me To The River by Al Green**

 * Lyrics:**

"Take me to the river

And wash me down

Won't you cleanse my soul

Put my feet on the ground."

"At that moment, when the sound of Om reached Siddhartha's ears, his slumbering soul suddenly awakened and he recognized the folly of his action." (89) "Never had a sleep so refreshed him, so renewed him, so rejuvenated him!" (91)
 * Quote from the text:**

In this part of the book, Siddhartha realizes his self-hatred has gone too far, and it would be foolish of him to end his life. He later falls asleep for what feels to him like an immense amount of time, and when he wakes up he feels refreshed. In the song by Al Green, a man is trying to get over his (ex-?)girlfriend, who had caused him strife. He wants to be washed in the river, which is a metaphor for having his soul cleansed of sorrow over his heartbreak. Similarly, Siddhartha achieved the cleansing of his soul of the sorrow and hatred he felt towards himself. While neither the character in the song or Siddhartha ever bathed in the river literally, the river still represents the need of cleansing that the both of them desired. media type="youtube" key="L_jgIezosVA" height="315" width="420"
 * Analysis:**

**Song: Moon River by Andy Williams**
"Two drifters, off to see the world There's such a lot of world to see  We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend  My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me."
 * Lyrics:**

"Often they sat together in the evening on the tree trunk by the river. They both listened silently to the water, which to them was not just water, but the voice of life, the voice of Being, of perpetual Becoming."
 * Quote from the text:**

This beautiful song sung by Andy Williams (and many other legends like Frank Sinatra) represents the relationship that Siddhartha, Vahsuveda, and the river have with eachother. These lyrics above from the song are about two friends and the "moon river" that stay together to "see the world". This is similar to the part of the book where Siddhartha and Vahsuveda are already close enough to be brothers and they spend time listening and enjoying the waters of the lake, in that same trio companionship that is mentioned in the song. While the river in the book isn't exactly a "moon river", it is a non-human object that accompanies two good friends in the same form of companionship as they feel with eachother.
 * Analysis:**

=My Om=

The Brahmin's Son- A Found Poem (pg 11-12)
Will you go on //standing //  and  //waiting// until it is noon, evening?

I will stand and wait.

You will grow //t i r e d // Siddhartha.

I will grow tired.

You will f  a  l  l <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">asleep <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Siddhartha.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">I will not fall asleep.

<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">You will

<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace; font-size: 120%;">die <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">,

<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Siddhartha.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">I will die.

<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">And <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">would you rather <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace; font-size: 120%;">die <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">than obey your father?

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Siddhartha has always obeyed his father.

<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">So <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">you will __**//<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">give up //**__ <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">your project?

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Siddhartha will do what his father tells him.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">...

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The first light of <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">day <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">entered the room.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Brahmin saw <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">that Siddhartha's <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">knees <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">trembled <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 80%;">slightly

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">but there was <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">no trembling <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">in Siddhartha's <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">face; <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">his eyes looked

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">f a r a w a y.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Then the father <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">realized <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">that Siddhartha could <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">no longer <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">remain with him <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">at home.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">He had already <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">l e f t <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> h i m.

With the Samanas- A Series of Haikus
The only riches That I truly posses are My skin and my bones

I shall sit right here In the hot and cold weather Conquering desire

Do not pity me For all that I need in life Is to fast, pray, think.

While I barely eat And turn pain into numbness I wish to be pure

Gotama- An Acrostic Poem
Great silence as he hits, meditates, and listens On many a day I have seen him in a yellow cloak Teaching his followers about the path to Enlightenment And yet, it seems instruction is not the way Most of what you feel when you are pure cannot be taught As a Samana and Brahmin, I shall choose a different path

Awakening- A Rhyme Poem
As I tried to lose my inner self I came to realize I was wrong I do not need to be a Samana My inner Me was asleep all along

And as I woke up, eyes open wide I take long steps; there's no fear of pride and the world and it's colors open themselves to me colors of the sky and rivers, and the tall mountains and trees

I realize the answer is clear and what I called illusion was reality losing myself did not bring me near to the awakening that I could feel so suddenly

And at that moment I felt so alone but I knew that deep in my body, in every bone, like a lone star in an icy sky that I had found the true meaning of life this time.

Kamala and Amongst the People- An Ode
= =

This is for the mistress Who lived in Pleasure Grove and told me that I had to change my clothes, my hair, everything, to be loved

This is for the Samana who used to eat, fast, pray but now he is rich with money and plays games all day

This is for the little bird who lives in a cage and sings songs As of right now, he is happy living in a world in which he doesn't belong.

Samsara- A Sestina poem
I never felt like I wanted to leave This world that felt new to my soul In this new world I was immediately rich And I became accustomed to this new life As my senses became renewed To me everything was a game

I learned how to master this game And from me my skills would never leave Enriched with good food and comforts were my senses I never once realized what was becoming of my soul As I continued this expensive life And as I continued to become rich

Then I noticed that I had become so rich And so tied up into this game That a profound change had come into my life All the pleasures kept taking leave And I desperately replenished what was missing in my soul It was so hard just to please the senses

And I used desperate measures to replenish my senses Gambling, wasting away what made me rich Soon there was a sense of draining in my soul And I noticed how repetitious the game was Yet I still didn't take leave <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I continued living this life

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">But soon I was nauseated with my life

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I was living with overripe senses

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">The emptiness in my heart would never leave

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I began to see the idleness of being rich

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I knew for sure I was living in an unending game

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">And that this was no good for my soul

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">So I decided, for the sake of my soul

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">To rid myself of this deadened life

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">To desert the others who were also playing this game

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">To desert the ways of my senses

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">And to rid myself of the life of the rich

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I decided it was time to leave

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Now as I walk through the forest, as wide and empty as my soul, I wonder how my life had spoiled so much, as well as my senses.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I want to rid myself of this life, rid myself of me, for I have grown to be idle, lifeless, and rich.

<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meanwhile Kamala, who is a part of this cyclic game, opened the cage of a little bird and watched it leave.

=By the River- A Limerick=

There was once a man named Siddhartha Who couldn't go any farther He wished he was dead But rather instead By a river he slept, full of nausea

He was watched over by an old friend Whom he would love forever to the end After feeling refreshed He decided it was best To learn from the river instead.

The Ferryman- An Acrostic
Fairly often he takes people over the river Everyone sees the river as a nuisance Rather, he listens to the river, listens to its wisdom Right then and there I knew he could help me Years go by, while he teaches me to listen Much later, I come across a familiar face And he was kind to me when she passed away Now I have a son to look after

The Son- A Found Poem (pg 118-119)
<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Forgive me

<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 110%;">he said

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I am speaking <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">to you <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">as my friend.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">I can see <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">that you are <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">w o r r i e d <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">and <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">u n h a p p y.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">Your son, <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">my dear friend, <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">is <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">t r o u b l i n g you <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">and also <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">me.

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">The young <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">bird <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">is accustomed to a //<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">different life // <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">to a //<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">different nest. //

...

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">You are not <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">S T R I C T <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">with him, <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">you do not <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">P U N I S H <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">him <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">you do not <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">C O M M A N D <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">him--because <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">you know that <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">g e n t l e n e s s <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">is stronger than <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace;">severity... ...

After he stood for a l o n g t i m e at the gate to the garden, Siddhartha realized that the desire that had driven him to this place was foolish,

that he could not help his son, that he should not force himself on him.

He felt a d e e p love for the runaway boy, like a wound, and yet felt at the same time that this wound was not intended to f e s t e r  in him, but that it should h e a l.

Om- A Haiku
Though I have been wounded By my son who has left me The river healed me.

I listened to it with the help of my good friend and I gained wisdom

I had heard its sound A uniform sound of peace A sound of the Om.

Govinda- An Acrostic Poem
Goodness knows how long it has been since I've seen him Older and wiser, he has found me Very curious he was In how I had found peace Now I see in him that he has found peace also During my explanation I mentioned about my way of peace And he was confused, so I showed him with a kiss on the forehead.

=Works Cited= Hesse, Herman. //Siddhartha//. New York: Bantam, 1971.