KathyDSB

=Kathy DeLoria's Self-Realization Digital Scrapbook= This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's // Siddhartha //, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

= With The Samanas =

**The Assignment**
To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel // Siddhartha //, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up my iPod touch and music, because it's technically not something I ** need **. Technically.

In the Beginning...
Originally, I had thought that, like Siddhartha's "flesh wasted away from his thighs and cheeks," (Hesse, 7) I would waste away from existence without my music, but, instead, there was silence and, as much as I hate to admit it, the silence actually helped. I paid more attention in class and actually finished a book, which, surprisingly, is something I have not done in ages because I'm too busy... or maybe just too distracted. But, sadly, this burst of greatness could not last. By the second day, I was back to being bored in class, and, that afternoon, I slept through the two hour bus ride to Reston that I had planned on using for reading.

[[image:Music-Flames-Guitar-Wallpaper-1920x1200.jpg width="510" height="317" align="right"]]Climax? Not Really...
The middle of the week was filled with VTA, which is a theatre conference that I went to, so I didn't have much time to miss my music. Similar to how Siddhartha "sat up straight and learned to conserve his breath, learned to make do with little breath, learned how to cut off his breath," (8) I learned many things whilst not listening to my iPod, though my learning was solely because I no longer had that distraction, so I had to focus on something else, such as the theatre conference.. My days were stuffed with plays and events, so I didn't notice that I couldn't use my iPod. Also, I didn't have it with me, so I wasn't tempted to do anything with it. VTA was fairly uneventful in the sense that nothing really happened to make my want to listen, except for one time. I won't go into detail, but there was one point in time in which I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from the thousands of people that were in the hotel, but I couldn't. I forced myself instead to get my butt to the final show of that day and check out the competition, though I thought there was no point in it anyway.

[[image:hd-wallpapers-music-images-wallpaper-floyd-pink-1920x1200-wallpaper.jpg width="281" height="183" align="left"]] Kathy's Saga of Boringness Comes to an End... Finally
This quote, "But even though the paths led away from self, at the end they always led back to self," (9) really connected to me because, by the end of the week, I was bored out of my mind. I had two more days left, a day off and a school day, and both were rather uneventful. On the day off, the lack of things to do didn't really bother me because I was able to sleep in as long as I wanted and I had my computer and homework to keep me busy until about three in the morning, when I absolutely had to go to sleep. The school day, on the other hand, was awful. There was no sound in the back of my head as the teachers droned on and on about one subject or another, making me too bored and too tired to care about what was coming from their mouths.

= Awakening =

The Quote
"The world was beautiful strange and mysterious. Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself. All this, all this yellow and blue, river and wood, passed for the first time across Siddhartha's eyes. It was no longer the magic of Mara, it was no more the veil of Maya, it was no longer meaningless and the chance diversities of the appearances of the world, despised by deep-thinking Brahmins, who scorned diversity, who sought unity. River was river, and if the One and Divine in Siddhartha secretly lived in blue and river, it was just the divine art and intention that there should be yellow and blue, there sky and woo - and here Siddhartha. Meaning and reality were not hidden somewhere behind things, they were in them, in all of them" (39).

Image Analysis
In the quote, Siddhartha sees many different colours, such as green yellow and blue, in the world with fresh eyes, as well as different parts of scenery, like the mountains and a river, which led me to placing them in my image. For the yellow, I placed small yellow flowers dotting a field of green, and then a soft blue background and river to complete the scene. This scenery impacts the story by giving Siddhartha a sense of comfort and renewal. Hesse chose to describe it the way he did, mentioning specific colours and objects like blue, because these things symbolize birth, fertility, and relaxation, but mostly rebirth, as Siddartha is emerging from his sleep as a new person who is slightly farther from "self" and slightly closer to enlightenment.

=Kamala=




 * Name: **Kamala


 * Location:** I reside in a large town in India


 * Eye Colour: ** I have "dark, clever, and observant"(51) eyes.


 * Hair Colour:** I have "heaped up black hair"(51) which is often decorated with various trinkets and accessories.


 * About Me: ** I am, by trade, a "well known courtesan,"(52) though that is not all I am. As sensual as I may be with my clever eyes and dark hair, I also wear "a bright, very sweet, very clever face, a bright red mouth like a freshly colored fig, eyebrows painted in a high arch, dark eyes, clever and observant, and a clear and slender neck."(51)


 * Hobbies and Profession: ** As I stated before, I am a courtesan, and I offer private "instruction in kissing."(58) My hobbies include riding in my "ornamented sedan chair carried by four people."(51) I also find pleasure in my line of work, especially teaching men how to love properly.


 * What I'm Looking For: ** I'm interested in "young men... in fine clothes, in fine shoes... scent in their hair and money in their purses."(54) Though my wishes may sound superficial, it is what most women want in the world, and I am no different from them, except for the fact that I'm better.

= Daily Life = My daily life is rather boring. I wake up from a rather rough sleep, which normally results in my blankets being somewhere other than on my body, and proceed to go to school, where I spend my days studying, or, maybe, sleeping, though that depends on which teacher you ask. After that, I report to rehearsal where I sit around, waiting for the actors to get to my cue. Sometimes, I'll be in the auditorium for seven hours, just waiting to get to my cue, so I have the right to be a bit bored there. Normally, I get home around eleven and goof off till about one, but sometimes I manage to be smart and start my homework at midnight instead. My homework is normally done by three, sometimes four on a bad night, and I finally lay my head down to rest for a few hours, before the cycle begins again. Really, I'm not sure how my life relates to Siddhartha's. While he's out adventuring and finding inner peace, I'm sitting around, watching that " thin mist, weariness descended on Siddhartha[me], slowly, every day a little denser, every month a little more opaque, every year a little heavier." (42) = =

= The River = media type="custom" key="24667154" Many rivers to cross But I can't seem to find my way over Wandering I am lost As I travel along the white cliffs of dover
 * Many Rivers to Cross- Jimmy Cliff**

Many rivers to cross And it's only my will that keeps me alive I've been licked, washed up for years And I merely survive because of my pride

And this loneliness won't leave me alone It's such a drag to be on your own My woman left me and she didn't say why Well, I guess I'll have to cry

Many rivers to cross But just where to begin I'm playing for time There have been times I find myself Thinking of committing some dreadful crime

Yes, I've got many rivers to cross But I can't seem to find my way over Wandering, I am lost As I travel along the white cliffs of Dover

Yes, I've got many rivers to cross And I merely survive because of my will...

"Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, the sky and the river flowed, the forest and the mountains were rigid, all of it was beautiful, all of it was mysterious and magical, and in its mist was he, Siddhartha, the awakening one, on the path to himself."(22)
 * Quote From Text **

In this song, Cliff is describing how he's surrounded by all of this beauty, but its keeping him from what he has to do, which is similar to Siddhartha, who has the great destiny that he has to fulfill and he has so far to go before he gets there, and he's finally seeing all of the beauty around him, and realizing the path that he's on.
 * Analysis **

media type="custom" key="24583658" Betty came by on her way Said she had a word to say About things today And fallen leaves.
 * The River Man- Nick Drake**

Said she hadn't heard the news Hadn't had the time to choose A way to lose But she believes.

Going to see the river man Going to tell him all I can About the plan For lilac time.

If he tells me all he knows About the way his river flows And all night shows In summertime.

Betty said she prayed today For the sky to blow away Or maybe stay She wasn't sure.

For when she thought of summer rain Calling for her mind again She lost the pain And stayed for more.

Going to see the river man Going to tell him all I can About the ban On feeling free.

If he tells me all he knows About the way his river flows I don't suppose It's meant for me.

Oh, how they come and go Oh, how they come and go.

"'You will learn it,' said Vasudeva, 'but not from me. The river taught me how to listen, and you will learn that from it, too.'"(56)
 * Quote From Text**

**Analysis**  Though this song isn't completely about learning from the river, parts of it are. "If he tells me all he knows about the way his river flows," and so on, reminded me of the quote above from page 56. Basically, it's saying that the river man, or, from my interpretation, the man that is the river, is going to teach him what he needs to know, which is what it did for Siddhartha, who mistakenly asked the ferryman, not the river man. media type="custom" key="24583668" I don't know why I love her like I do All the trouble that you put me through Take my money, my cigarettes I haven't seen the worst of it yet I wanna know, can you'll tell me? I love to stay Take me to the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water) Dip me in the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water, water)
 * Take Me To the River- The Talking Heads**

I don't know why you treat me so bad Think of all the things that we could have had Love is an ocean, I can't forget My sweet sixteen I would never regret <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">I wanna know, can you'll tell me? <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">I love to stay <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me to the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Dip in to the river (Take me to the river), push me in the water (Drop me in the water, water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Hold me, squeeze me, love me, tease me <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">'Till I can, 'till I can, I can't tell <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Come on and take me to the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Dip in to the river (Take me to the river), push me in the water (Drop me in the water, water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">(Get down Jerry, get down Jerry) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">(Good to go, get ready) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">(Are you ready Annabelle?) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">(Come on lets go) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">I don't know why I love you like I do <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">All the changes that you put me through <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Sixteen candles there on my wall <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">And I commin' on the biggest fool of them all <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">I wanna know can you'll tell me <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">I love to stay <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me to the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Dip me in the river (Take me to the river), drop me in the water (Drop me in the water, water) <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me to the river, drop me in the water <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me in the river, drop me in the water, water <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me to the river, drop me in the water <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me in the river, drop me in the water, water <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me to the river, drop me in the water <span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman',Times,serif; font-size: 15px;">Take me in the river, drop me in the water, water

"The world was beautiful strange and mysterious. Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself. All this, all this yellow and blue, river and wood, passed for the first time across Siddhartha's eyes. It was no longer the magic of Mara, it was no more the veil of Maya, it was no longer meaningless and the chance diversities of the appearances of the world, despised by deep-thinking Brahmins, who scorned diversity, who sought unity. River was river, and if the One and Divine in Siddhartha secretly lived in blue and river, it was just the divine art and intention that there should be yellow and blue, there sky and woo- and here Siddhartha. Meaning and reality were not hidden somewhere behind things, they were in them, in all of them." (39)
 * Quote From Text**

This song, to me, is about rebirth, wiping the slate clean, and starting over, similar to the way the quote is about the new life of Siddhartha. Though there are other quotes that might relate to this song better, I have two reasons for choosing this. The first is that I believe this part of the book to be the first rebirth of Siddhartha. Though he had changed and gone away with the Samanas before, he was still him. This awakening process actually made him into a new person. Reason number two is that I was too lazy at the time I put it in to find my book, which was all the way across the room, so I used a previously provided quote instead. Hey, at least I'm using my resources, right?
 * Analysis**