BraxtonSSB

= Braxton's Scrapbook =

toc This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's // Siddhartha //, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

[[image:Kerbal.jpg width="291" height="169" align="left"]]The Assignment
To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel // Siddhartha //, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up computer games, primarily Kerbal Space Program, because it's one of the few things I do that is not required by school, band, or life in general.

First Days
For the first few days of the challenge, I was very busy preparing for and taking part in a marching band competition at Powhatan High School. There was so many things to do, I would have had absolutely no time for computer games even without my self-deprivation. So for a couple days, it was quite easy to avoid playing them. media type="custom" key="24519912" align="left" width="60" height="60"

**Long Weekend** After the band competition, I still had tasks to do, mostly in the form of homework, but there was now downtime, when I would normally have played games. Instead, I went downstairs and did things with my parents, things we hadn't done since school started. I went to the city market with my dad, I watched NCIS with my mom, and I enjoyed it. I came to realize that through distractions like video games and computer games, "we find consolations, we learn tricks with which we deceive ourselves, but the essential thing we do not find" (Hesse 18). I decided that after the self-deprivation had ended, I would limit my computer gaming to a half-hour on weekends so that I would remember to spend time doing fun things with my family. I know it sounds sad, but this assignment reintroduced me to the fun things I did over the summer, which had stopped because of a homework overload.

The Final Days
By now, I was starting to miss computer games, and I was having to find other ways to relax. This was probably the closest I got to failing the self-deprivation, but with the end in sight, plenty of homework (even long weekends to get ahead don't seem to help), and a good book, it was still not a terribly big challenge to avoid computer games. These things, and the thought that other people in my class were sacrificing much more, helped me keep up the self-deprivation to the end, like Siddhartha had "Govinda, his shadow; he travelled along the same path, made the same endeavors," (16) to support him on his journey. Finally, I reached the end of the challenge, and yet I still played few computer games. Similar to Gotama, who had formerly been an ascetic and had lived in the woods, even after leaving, "what he ate would not have satisfied a bird" (28), my self-deprivation had some benefits and reasons to be continued in part.

Analysis
In describing his Awakening, Siddhartha sees " sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself" (39). I saw this as Siddhartha being surrounded by these majestic features, all much larger and grander than Siddhartha himself. In Siddhartha's words "here was blue, here was yellow, here was green" (39), so I made sure to make the scene very colorful, incorporating green grass, blue river and sky, yellow and orange (orange is pretty yellowy too) autumnal trees and mountains. Finally, I wanted to give an impression of loneliness amongst all this beauty, reflecting how Siddhartha realized that "nobody was so alone as he" (41).

Kamala
**Name:** Kamala


 * Location:** I live in an unfenced grove outside town, though I also own a house in the town (51,52).


 * Eyes: ** My eyes are dark b rown (51).


 * Hair:** My hair is black (51).


 * About Me:** Through my profession I have become rather wealthy, but my greatest asset lies in my beauty. More than one man has fallen for my "bright, very sweet, very clever face [and] bright red mouth like a freshly cut fig" (51). You can easily see that I am no show girl, but am intelligent, appreciative of good poetry, and, if you show promise, I can help you find a job to afford the gifts that I enjoy.


 * Hobbies/Profession:** Although some may describe my job in more uncivilized terms, I consider myself a tutor in the arts of lovemaking. My success has brought me many customers, "in fine clothes, in fine shoes; there is scent in their hair and money in their purses" (54). As you can see, I have grown accustomed to and enjoy wealthy gifts, but I am also fond of fashion and poetry. I am always in the finest, most recent styles (except during instruction time), and I know a good poem when I hear one.


 * Looking For:** Mostly wealth, so you can bring me those exotic and expensive presents I enjoy so much. A courtier must "have clothes, fine clothes, shoes, fine shoes and and plenty of money in his purse and presents" (54) if he hopes to appeal me. However, if I really like you and you can impress me without money and gifts, I can help you find a job in town so you can earn money to buy fine clothes and shoes and presents. Don't count on this though-- any man can win me with enough riches, whether inherited or earned.

My Daily Life

 * 1) Wake up
 * 2) Cereal for breakfast
 * 3) Carpool to school
 * 4) Learn stuff
 * 5) Carpool home
 * 6) Walk the dog
 * 7) Do homework
 * 8) Do WHAP homework
 * 9) Eat dinner
 * 10) Do more homework
 * 11) Do more WHAP homework
 * 12) Go to bed

Quote from Siddhartha:
"He envied them the one thing that he lacked and that they had: the sense of importance with which they lived their lives, the depth of their pleasures and sorrows, the anxious but sweet happiness of their continual power to love" (77).

Analysis:
My life is pretty routine, and is based around school, band, and boy scouts. A normal day is mostly going to school and doing homework, with other things fitting in when they can. In the fall there is almost always 1-4 hours of marching band a day, while in the winter there is a lot of cleaning and preparation for various holiday events. Many things are weekly, such as boy scout meetings every Monday, after-school band on Tuesdays, and most of my chores at home. After reading "Samsara," I realized that my life is definitely stuck-- I rarely think about big life questions because I'm too bust trying make it through the week.

Song: "The Water Cycle" by Mr. Davis
media type="custom" key="24520258"
 * Lyrics:**

Water from the little puddle turns to gas... The gas forms into puffy clouds... The clouds get heavy and the rain pours down...  And more puddles on the ground...

Oh the water cycle round and round Vapour goes up and the rain comes down Water in the sky, in the ocean, in the ground Its all in a cycle going round and round...

They are high clouds, low clouds, and in between clouds Fog on the ground is also rarely seen clouds...

Oh the water cycle round and round Vapour goes up and the rain comes down Water in a river, in a glass, in a cloud, Its all in a cycle going round and round.

**Quote from the Text:** "I have learned that from the river too; everything comes back. You, too, Samana, will come back" (Hesse 49). "That was why he had to undergo those horrible years... so that Siddhartha the pleasure-monger and Siddhartha the man of property could die. He had died and Siddhartha had awakened from his sleep. He also would grow old and die. Siddhartha was transitory, all forms were transitory" (100).

**Analysis:** Just like the water that makes it up, the river is cyclical. The ferryman knew that everything comes back to the river, even the water of the river itself would return after going through the water cycle. Siddhartha's life is cyclical in a similar way; different Siddharthas have emerged and died, and each new one is different from all the others. Just as water changes states as it goes around the water cycle, Siddhartha's personality is also changing states, and every time he changes, the river is there to help him start anew.

Song: "Boat on the River" by Styx
media type="custom" key="24615970" Take me down to my boat on the river I need to go down, I need to come down Take me back to my boat on the river And I won't cry out any more Time stands still as I gaze In her waters She eases me down, touching me gently With the waters that flow past my boat on the river So I won't cry out anymore
 * Lyrics:**

Oh the river is deep The river it touches my life like the waves on the sand And all roads lead to Tranquillity Base Where the frown on my face disappears Take me back to my boat on the river And I won't cry out anymore

Oh the river is wide The river it touches my life like the waves on the sand And all roads lead to Tranquillity Base Where the frown on my face disappears Take me back to my boat on the river And I won't cry out anymore


 * Quote from the Text:** "There was a tree on the river bank, a cocoanut tree...Siddhartha sank down at the foot of the cocoanut tree, overcome by fatigue. Murmuring Om, he laid his head on the tree roots and sank into a deep sleep" (Hesse 88, 90). "The river knows everything; one can learn everything from it...As time went on his smile began to resemble the ferryman's, was almost equally radiant, almost equally full of happiness" (105, 108)


 * Analysis:** In the song, the river is a calming influence on the singer, a place to unwind and release pent-up emotion. Siddhartha's river is also a calming influence on Siddhartha, a place for him to stop, unwind, and start anew. The river is a source of happiness for both, a place to smile and relax, without the stress of everyday life.

Song: "Rolling on the River" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
media type="custom" key="24616030" Left a good job in the city Working for the man every night and day And I never lost one minute of sleeping Worrying 'bout the way things might have been
 * Lyrics:**

Big wheel, keep on turning Proud Mary, keep on burning Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river

Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis Pumped a lot of pain down in New Orleans But I never saw the good side of the city Until I hitched a ride on a river boat queen

Big wheel, keep on turning Proud Mary, keep on burning Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river

Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river If you come down to the river Bet you gonna find some people who live You don't have to worry 'cause you have no money People on the river are happy to give

Big wheel, keep on turning Proud Mary, keep on burning Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river


 * Quote from Text:** "The new Siddhartha felt a deep love for this flowing water...I will remain by this river, thought Siddhartha" (Hesse 100-1). "You once previously took me across this river without payment...I should prefer it if you...keep me here as your assistant, or rather your apprentice" (103)


 * Analysis:** To both Siddhartha and the singer, the river is a reprieve, a place to escape to when you want to leave the world behind; both had troubled lives, but escaped them by living by the river. They were both impressed by the generous people on the river who seem to have discovered another, better, way of living, and in the end both Siddhartha and the singer joined these people.