LivScrabook7

= //**__Liv's Self Deprivation Scrapbook__**// = =__ The Assignment: __= To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel //Siddhartha//, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up communication with my best friend to see how I could use that to relate to Siddhartha's life journey.

=__ The Beginning: __= In the beginning I thought I wouldn't be able to finish the challenge. My best friend and I text or call each other everyday because we are six hours away from each other. She lives in New Jersey and I live here, in Virginia. I had a hard time the first day, I had a lot of doubt. I stared at my phone and my fingers went to go

text her. I couldn't give up on the first day, I had to stick it out. The second day I had a lot of things to tell her and I couldn't. I had to tell her about my day and my friends that day. I had gotten so used to venting to her everyday that not talking to her was weird and I was bored. We took a good two hours out of our nights just texting or calling. I couldn't talk to my parents about my teenage problems. They wouldn't understand like she does. Finally I was able to deal with the withdrawal and I fell asleep that ngiht happy that I conquered the fisrt day. Like the book says, "Was he at peace?" (Hesse 7). I was finally at peace... for the time-being.

=__ The Middle: __= The third day was Sunday and my parents and I got in an argument. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my phone and punched my best friend's number and I almost let myself do it, but I didn't hit "send". This assignment...was tearing.me.apart. The fourth day I felt really lonely. I was very close to breaking the challenge... I felt what Siddhartha felt when Hesse writes "Siddhartha had begun to feel the seeds of discontent.." (Hesse, 5) My discontent had sunken in all the way towards the middle of the week.

=__ The End: __= The fifth day I was angry and frustrated. When you're used to being able to do something everyday, it's hard to let it go so abruptly. The last day felt like the last leg of the race, almost there, but aching. I really wanted to text her and call her and tell her everything about my week, but I couldn't. I stuck it out for this long, I knew I could stick it out for 24 more hours. To sum up my experience that made me realize how privileged I am to be able to have a phone to call and text I would say Hesse managed to tell me that "Life was difficult" (Hesse, 21) and yes, life was difficult.

== I chose to draw "The Awakening" like this because I wanted to incorporate all the events that happened to him in my drawing. The eyes in the mountains are for his eyes because he doesn't have eyes on his actual face, he sees from the world. The treees in the top left corner represent the cove he came from. The sun and the stars represent the stars he saw amd the sun that shone. He is sinking into the water with an orb of light around him because he has found the path to enlightmenment. The mountains represent what he saw and the ocean is what he sunk into when found the path. Siddhartha was given the way to go, he had to decide for himself how he was going to mark his path. Like Hesse writes, "...like the old skin a snake sheds.." (Hesse, 37.) He had a former life and he went on a different path like another part where Hesse writes, "...no longer looking backwards.." (Hesse, 42) Siddhartha had broken away from his father and his obligations but he couldn't look back because he would miss it and if he missed it, then he would not have a lot of strength to go. I this last quote, it really shows Siddhartha's pain when he experiences his inner turmoil when he decided to be awakened, Hesse writes, "..He was no nobleman, belonging to any aristocracy, no artisan belonging to any guild and finding refuge in it, sharing its life and language....no ascetic belonging to the Samanas."

=__ Kamala __=

Name: Kamala

Location: Pleasure Grove (52)

About Me:

Hair: Chocolate Brown, thick, long, beautiful.

Eyes: Brown

My face is perfectly shaped and I have heard that people compare my lips to figs. I am very confident and I am never afraid to show how I feel.

Personality: Loving, stubborn, funny. Loves poetry. I know a lot about love and enjoy teaching people how to use it. Love is stubborn like me, but if two people work together, it can be something magical.

Here are some quotes I live by:

"...the art of love in which. more than anything else, giving and taking become one." (Hesse, 71.) ~As two people who love each other, you should go through all the hardships, happy moments, sad moments together; as one. Because love is so fragile, you have to know how to take it in turns. Each person contributing their own factors into the equation. "I have enjoyed friendship and confidence." (Hesse, 68.) ~Friendships are very important in life. Friends are the family we have outside of the family we were born into. Confidence is something I have and enjoy quite a lot. It gives me strength and mobility throughout my thoughts. "Lovers should not separate from each other...so that no feeling of satiation or desolation arises nor the horrid feeling of misusing or having been misused." (Hesse, 66.) ~When two people become one, there should be no splitting in half. If you had a piece of perfectly good bread, why would you split in half when you could just share it and take bites? Splitting is never the answer, isolation and leaving is never an option, and one should not feel that their needs are more important than their significant others' needs. Life is too short to leave the one you love. It should never be that way; it should never //have// to be that way.

=__ Samasara __=



My Daily Routine: 1) Wake up 2) Brush teeth. get dressed etc 3 )Say goodbye to parents 4) Go to school 5) Go home 6) Do homework, go to sleep etc

Summary: On a usual day Liv Whicheloe's alarm wakes her up at exactly 6:00 am. (she takes forever to get ready for school). Liv then proceeds to ignore alarm clock and roll over to her other side of the bed hoping the alarm clock won't follow. At 6:20 Liv feels ready to take on the day. She gets up, drags herself to the bathroom, and pops her contacts in so she can see throughout the day. Once the contacts are in, Liv has no trouble feeling more awake. She then brushes her teeth for 3 minutes (she has braces, it takes a while) and uses her mouthwash. Liv goes back to her room and tries on every article of clothing in her room before she's satisfied with something to wear. She then makes sure she has all her school supplies (backpack, homework, projects due) in order and packs everything up. At around 7:45 she likes to go downstairs to her kitchen where she can dump her backpack on the floor and push some bread into the toaster and wait for it to pop back up so she can spread Nutella on it. Liv eats her breakfast and waits for 8:35 to roll around so her Dad can drive her to school. Liv goes through her Red days and Blue days waiting for each hour and a half to end so she can stretch her legs. (She's very fidgety.) When 3:45 ticks on the clock, she walks out to the buses (unless she has play rehearsal) to find her bus number. Her bus ride home is around 45 minutes long. (She doesn't live far away from the school at all, but for some reason the bus driver has to drop off everybody else instead of Liv even though the bus passes her street three times.) Liv makes it home at 4:30 and is very happy to be in a place where there is food to eat. She says hello to her tabby cat Oscar and feasts on some cookies usually. Liv goes upstairs to do homework and then she practices her piano. She eats dinner at 7:00 every night. At 9:00 Liv takes her contacts out, has a shower, puts her pajamas on and settles into bed to read a book for an hour. Liv goes to bed at 10:00 because she believes rest is important. Liv gets 8 hours of sleep every night. (Repeat for all weekdays.)

//__Analysis__//:
I can understand the feeling of being tired when Siddhartha goes through his daily routine. Hesse writes "How many long years he had spent wihtout any lofty goal, without any thirst, without any exaltation, content with small pleasures but not really satisfied!" (Hesse, 83.) I can relate to this a a lot because I feel like I go through life as a pattern. My routine is so specific and nothing interesting ever happens. Sometimes I sit and wonder what it would be like if I didn't have school. My life would be so different. I want school, though. I want to learn and to be educated because I believe that is what shapes a person as a whole.

=__ The River __=

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I looked out across The river today I saw a city in the fog and an old church tower Where the seagulls play I saw the sad shire horses walking home In the sodium light I saw two priests on the ferry October geese on a cold winter's night

And all this time, the river flowed Endlessly to the sea

Two priests came round our house tonight One young, one old, to offer prayers for the dying To serve the final rite One to learn, one to teach Which was the cold wind blows Fussing and flapping in priestly black Like a murder of crows

And all this time, the river flowed Endlessly to the sea If I had my way I'd take a boat from the river And I'd bury the old man, I'd bury him at sea

Blessed are the poor, for they shall inherit the earth Better to be poor than a fat man in the eye of a needle And as these words were spoken I swore I hear The old man laughing 'What good is a used up world and how could it be Worth having'

And all this time the river flowed Endlessly like a silent tear And all this time the river flowed Father, if Jesus exists, Then how come he never lived here

The teachers told us, the Romans built this place They built a wall and a temple, an edge of the empire Garrison town, They lived and they died, they prayed to their gods But the stone gods did not make a sound And their empire crumbled, 'til all that was left Were the stones the workmen found

And all this time the river flowed In the falling light of a northern sun If I had my way I'd take a boat from the river Men go crazy in congregations But they only get better One by one One by one...  This song has parallels to Siddhartha because of how he loses the spark he had while being awakened. Sting's lyrics, "If I had my way I'd take a boat from the river.." It is like Siddhartha wants to find a way to become his enlightened self again. He will do anything. If he had "his way" things would be easier and he would be able to have access to happiness everyday. Hesse writes, "Why should he go any further, where, and for what purpose?" (Hesse, 88) he is saying that Siddhartha has, in a sense, lost himself. The river will give him the answers so he can find his way, not just physically, but emotionally.

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Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry, And I showed the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky. And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you Big River. Then I'm gonna sit right here until I die.

I met her accidentally in St. Paul (Minnesota). And it tore me up every time I heard her drawl, Southern drawl. Then I heard my dream was back Downstream cavortin' in Davenport, And I followed you, Big River, when you called.

Then you took me to St. Louis later on (down the river). A freighter said she's been here but she's gone, boy, she's gone. I found her trail in Memphis, but she just walked up the block. She raised a few eyebrows and then she went on down alone.

Now, won't you batter down by Baton Rouge, River Queen, roll it on. Take that woman on down to New Orleans, New Orleans. Go on, I've had enough; dump my blues down in the gulf. She loves you, Big River, more than me.

Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry, cry, cry And I showed the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky. And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you Big River. Then I'm gonna sit right here until I die. Big River by Johnny Cash has parallels to Siddhartha's River story when Siddhartha is contemplating ways he could die. When Siddhartha thinks, "..If only a tiger would come and eat him! If there were only some wine, some poison, that would give him oblivion, that would make him forget, that would make him sleep and never awaken!" (Hesse, 88) it is like when Johnny Cash writes "Then I'm gonna sit right here until I die." Both authors believed at that moment that giving up would be the answer. For Siddhartha, I think he believes that as humans, we cannot always understand problems when we are up close and wide awake, maybe we need to sit back and relax and the answer could come to us that way. Our mistakes or problems will always have answers, it's just a matter of time that will show us how to get out of it or how to fix our wrong-doings.

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Look at me I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter can it be I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see That if I were truly To be myself I would break my fam'ly's heart

Who is that girl I see Staring straight Back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide Who I am Though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am inside

Reflection from the movie Mulan I see as a parallel to when Siddhartha questions himself. As Siddhartha sits by the river thinking about how disgusted he is with himself. Siddhartha appears to be disappointed in himself. Hesse writes, "With a distorted countenance he stared into the water. He saw his face selected, and spat at it.." (Hesse, 89.) It is like in the movie Mulan when she doesn't believe she is good enough to stay in her family, so she wonders when her reflection will show who "I am inside.."

//__Analysis__//:
The River section of the book seemed to me like the downfall for Siddhartha. He felt depressed but quickly learned that he could look to nature for help. He found peace and quiet and experienced that he could think by himself.

=__ My Om __=

“And what do you think causes these outbursts of depression?” Doctor Frank asked Eliza. “They’re not outbursts, an outburst is loud, this is silent.” She replied smartly. Doctor Frank sat there and looked her straight in the eyes. “Now Eliza, you know I can’t help you if you don’t write anything down,” he said while reaching for a tethered magenta notebook with a pencil sticking out of it, “Now, what was last week’s log? Shall we take a look?” He opened to a page and read aloud “’Ate a piece of pie and went to bed’ Eliza, this isn’t helpful. At all.” “I can’t help it, I write things down and they sound stupid, so I erase them. And I replace it with silly stuff. Like pie.” Eliza puffed out a push of air. “Alright, I want you to take this notebook with you over this Christmas break and write down something you really want to do. Whether it is something like take a vacation, or a walk in the park, anything. And we’ll discuss it when we return from the break.” He handed Eliza the notebook, got up, dusted off his pants, and said ‘Whenever you’re ready to go’.

Eliza’s Diary Log Christmas December 19th I’m supposed to write things down in here that I want to do in life. The only problem is, I don’t know what I want to do. I have seemingly perfect life, wonderful parents, a nice house, a brother, dog, and a boyfriend. But all those things are just products of life. Something inside me is telling me no. Inside I can’t live like this anymore. I’m not meant to be perfect life. I’m like a moldy apple in the fruit bowl. I guess what I really want to say is that I will find the key to my happiness, whether it be as small as a crumb, I’ll find it.

December 20th Today is the last day of school for me before Christmas break. I’ve decided to break up with Jeremy. I can’t have interferences with my journey. It’s a mental journey yes, but it’s completely mine. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve mulled over this my entire night. I know he wants to help with my depression, but he’s in the way. If he loves me, he’ll let me leave him. It happened, I did it. I broke up with him. Sitting here alone in the bathroom crying. I don’t know how I did it. His face was all red and torn up like I ripped out his heart. It was awful. I keep thinking this isn’t the right thing to do. That this whole fantasy of getting something out of this is fake, but I know it’s helping me.

December 22nd My parents and I got into a fight. And when I say fight, I mean big colossal fight. The worst I’ve had with them since the 3rd grade. I told them I had problems to sort out, I mean I am 17 I can go anywhere I want without them in Canada. And that’s where I wanted to go. Canada. You’re probably thinking that it’s very unrealistic for me to go to Canada randomly. But I did it. I told them I’m going to Canada. I left L.A. and got the next bus to anywhere. I figured I could get somewhere. It would happen, I just had to have faith. It was then that I looked to God. God would help. I mean I was never a religious sort of person. But on the bus, I prayed. I swear to you He was there. With me on that bus. You probably think I’m crazy but it happened. I reached the bus station in Canada with nothing but 25 dollars in my pocket. I dragged my bag of clothes behind me to the nearest building to meet at least somebody who could know my name so I wasn’t completely alone. It was all happening so fast.

December 23 I’m homesick. I don’t know why I did this. Someone please remind me, it was stupid. I managed to make my way to a hotel that let me in for free once I lied and told them I was a college student transferred to Canada for a semester. I don’t think Dr. Frank meant taking it this far. But I took it far. I can’t begin to think about what my parents are thinking right now, Probably calling the police looking for me everywhere. I’d be back. I had God on my shoulders and faith in my pocket.

December 24 Christmas Eve, weird not being home for it. I went out today, bought some food. I found a place to work also. Everyone was speaking French so it was hard to understand but I was able to make out some of what they were saying from my French 2 class back in L.A. before the depression started and I was a good student. My job is handing out papers to people who ordered them. It pays well. I met a cute boy too. His name is Aime. He sells the papers with me and I quite enjoy his company. He told me a story about his family being deported to Canada after their Visa expired. I couldn’t believe the hardships he had been through. The bank took all his family’s hard-earned money and his paper job was the only source of income for his three sisters and parents.

January 16 I haven’t written in a while. I think I learned what happiness could really be. It’s not leaving somewhere to find something, it’s analyzing what you have and making THAT into something.

“Wow, Eliza, this is great work,” Doctor Frank said while closing Eliza’s journal, “something I can tell you worked hard on. So, did you go to Canada?” “Doctor Frank, of course I didn’t. I simply made it up. Something I’ve always wanted to do, yes, but in the middle of writing it, I stopped. I realized that what I was making up would never make me happy. What makes me happy is right here where I am. I’m not talking about L.A. necessarily, I’m talking about my mental state. I’m in a complete state of peace and I’m surreal. Life doesn’t hand you happiness, you have to find it, Doctor Frank.”