WesleyCSB

Wesley's Scrapbook This is the place where I will write about the journey I follow to self-realization. My goal is to gain wisdom and takes steps towards enlightening myself. I will be following the journey of Siddhartha, the title character of Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, as a model for my own journey. The steps I have taken follow.

[[image:driddle10h/Ps3Wesley2.jpg]]The Assignment
To get a feeling for how the Samanas, Indian ascetics that are found in the novel // Siddhartha //, try to reach enlightenment, we gave up something we enjoy for a week. I chose to give up video games, because it's technically not something I ** need **. Technically.

Beginning of the Week
In the beginning of the week it didn't feel to bad. But I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me at all. In fact it was pretty much like a little thing pestering me in the back of my head. It almost felt like this small pestering was starting to make me wither away, like Siddhartha when he first joined the samanas: "He fasted for twenty-eight days. The flesh wasted away from his thighs and cheeks(p.7)." I know my assignment and suffering wasn't as severe as Siddhartha's, but it did nevertheless feel pretty bad.

**Middle of the Week** The middle of this week was bad at times, but at other times I was able to forget about it. At many times I could distract myself from the inevitable restriction that I put upon myself. I would have fun or feel some powerful emotion or even find something that could hold my attention for a while, but, at the end of the day I would walk into my room, see my PS3 and the suffering would return. This is completely akin to something Siddhartha had thought: "Even though Siddhartha escaped from the self a thousand times...the return was unavoidable, inescapable the hour in which he found himself again(p.9)." It seems like, although the journey away is slightly different, that I felt the same way he did, and came to the same conclusion. One thing that is clear, that the path away from the self always led back to the self.

**End of the Week** At the end of the week I was very tempted to play video games, opportunities were just throwing themselves at me. Although I was able to keep on and not succumb to the temptations, I so longed for the day that it would finally end, and I could play again. Sometimes it felt like that day would never come, and Siddhartha says something pretty similar to this: "But we shall never attain //nirvana//, not he, not we. O Govinda, I believe that, all the samanas who exist, perhaps not one, not one, will attain //nirvana(p.10)."// Also he later says how he's suffering from this thirst(probably both physically and mentally for him), But, truly I can relate to this feeling of longing, and when I apply it, I feel this thirst not only for playing video games, but for spiritual meaning too.

Analysis
I drew my picture like I did because that's how I saw that scene through the imagery that Hesse used to describe Siddartha seeing the world for the first time after his awakening. He talks about there being "yellow", "blue", and "green"; also he talked about there being "mountains", "trees"(therefore adding brown), and a "river". So I took all the things that he talked about and put them in a scene that I felt satisfied the writing as well as the deep meaning of his new sight of all of it gained from this recent awakening. This imagery is very important to the story as well, it serves as a basis for explaining Siddartha's new awakening and his realization of the world and the world's relationship with itself and him with his own self, in such a way that can go so much farther than plain words could try to explain. This place he used was very "zen" in a way, which provided a great atmosphere for an awakening such as this, one of visualization representing a realization, so it only could have worked in a place that matches the beauty of a newly reborn mind.

Kamala

 * Name ** : Kamala


 * Location ** : I live in a grove(pg.29)


 * Eyes ** : My eyes are dark(pg.28)


 * Hair ** : My hair is black(pg.28)

**About Me (looks):**
I am beautiful, fair, and beautiful; many have reveled at my beauty, and have changed many a man with my looks. One man had described me, "high-piled black hair a very fair, very soft, very clever face, bright-red lips...eyebrows well tended...dark eyes clever and alert,"(pg.28). He continued to be in awe of my beauty more, and was utterly captivated by me, as any man would.

**Hobbies / Profession (actions):**
I don't need to labor as so many do for a living. I need only to teach the art of love, and I am adorned with gifts, and that is my greatest of hobbies. I am again able to strike men with awe from my prowess in love once a man talked with me about it, " 'The way you can kiss Kamala!' ..."Yes, I am good at it, and so I have no lack of clothes, shoes...and every beautiful thing,' "(pg.32). I am so great in the art of love that I need not much more labor to own all the beautiful things I own.

**Looking For (speech, effect on others) :**
All I truly seek for in a man are the quite basic necessities, although usually there is so much more to it than that. In one instance, although one of the more special cases, I told a man what he would need: "He must have clothes, handsome clothes..good-looking shoes, and a lot of money in his purse, and gifts for Kamala,"(pg.30). Do not think of me as being shallow for wanting some of these things in a man, for to these things I have been accustomed, and therefore I will settle for no less. On top of all these things, a man must have something for me I want, talent in romance, in love, or in handsome features.

My Daily Life
1.Wake up/get ready for school 2.ride on school bus for a ridiculously long time to get to school 3.Do school stuff 4.Eat packed lunch 5.Do more school 6.home:)...and homework:(

The Comic
**Analysis** My life is very routine, sometimes I feel like I may be stuck in a rut, but I do deviate from this daily routine quite a bit, but not really as much as I would like. I am not all completely sure if this routine is a good or a bad one, but I do get pretty tired of it sometimes, and apparently Siddartha felt the same, and Hesse puts it in better words that I could have:"Like a veil, like a thin mist, weariness descended upon Siddartha, slowly, every day a little denser, every month a little more opaque, every year a little heavier"(p.42). Hesse describes this effect of being in a rut so much better than I could, in this way, the one of being stuck in a rut which weighs you down with every step you take. Although here is where I differ from Siddartha, although it might be a little weird to bring religion into this, God revives me every day, and so much more every Sunday when I go to church, and that's what keeps me from being Siddartha, and from doing what he did.

LYRICS:
'Remember the threat from which it was said "You will reap every seed that you sow" And the tomb where you lay is the bed that you made Be still in the pain that you wrote See now, every scar is a choice you make Every choice is a vow you take Take pity upon your fate, you coward

Sleepwalk through heaven's call, no forest for the trees Unlearn every step you take, it'll bring you to your knees Tread...

Shallow water Safe from the weight, the burden of sacrifice Sons and daughters, pray for the rain May it redeem their eyes

And now we have seen what complacency brings as the blind are assuming the lead <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Dig deep in the hole where you buried your soul, in the river from where it bleeds

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Take now your eternal stand before it pulls you in'

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Analysis
This song is by my absolute favorite band and after learning about this assignment I immediately thought of this song, and so I had to go straight to it. This song seems to go very well with the story even though the song is supposed to be about something completely different, it's supposed to be about christians who are 'lukewarm' as in neither hot nor cold. But when you look at the lyrics while thinking about the song they seem to go together very well. They both talk about the "burden of sacrifice" and you can also see something of new awakening, like "om". In the book it says something that explains it : "What all the torment of those recent days...had not accomplished, was accomplished by the moment when //om// penetrated his consciousness"(p.48). Just like in the song it's talking about how you put yourself through so much torture but all you need to do is have the realization and become conscious of everything.

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Lyrics:
<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">These nights are longer <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">But we press on through the flood <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The sea is calling <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">But to go, nobody should <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nobody should <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nobody should

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">But have we all forgotten what light from our eyes can do <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">So in the end, the truth will descend <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">On your head like a rain from above

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Why are you waiting <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Why are you waiting <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The storm has been lifted <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Look out to the mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Look out to the mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The whole thing falls away

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">But have we all forgotten what light from our eyes can do <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">So in the end, the truth will descend <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">On your head like a rain from above

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Just fight with your bare hands <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">It's all coming to an end <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The suffering you will endure <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Will surely kick your spirit in <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Will surely kick your spirit in <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I was offered romance at the altar <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">And now we see I'm flying away <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">All the things that the world has told me <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I lend a deaf ear <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">We all feel the same

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">But have we all forgotten what light from our eyes can do <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">So in the end, the truth will descend <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">On your head like a rain from above

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Analysis
At first I wouldn't have really connected the story with this song, but as I began to think about it I realized the this song's lyrics and the story go very well together. Especially in the beginning of the song the story seems to be saying a lot of things with the same meaning, one of realization, and of perseverance. In the book, when Siddartha had wished to kill himself by throwing himself into the water, but realizes how nonsensical that would be reminds me of the part of the song when it says 'the sea is calling, but to go nobody should' meaning that suicide may seem tempting, but no one should do it. Although, the greatest is when, in the book, Siddartha is thinking on his realization, thinking: " 'Om!' And once more he knew //Brahman,// he knew about the indestructibility of life, he knew about all the divine things he had forgotten"(p.48). I think that this "om' and Siddartha's realization has an extreme resemblance to the 'light in our eyes' in the song, both being the incredible power within ourselves that gives us amazing bits of wisdom, realization, and inner strength.

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Song: "Where the River Goes" by Stone Temple Pilots

Lyrics:
<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Yeah, I could hide in the calm of the eye of the storm <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">And never blow away <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Well, I'm a young man with a knife to my back <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Some things never seem to change

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing the song or keep it inside <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Bought the farm, but the farmer done died <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing that song, sing that song inside

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wish I could live in the dream <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">that I fly on the tarred & freathered wings <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Well, I'm losing a game of reality <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">dice where the dealer never ever pays

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing the song or keep it inside <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Bought the farm, but the farmer done died <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing that song, sing that song inside

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna be as big as a mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna fly as high as the sun <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know what the rent's like in heaven <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know where the river goes

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Yeah, I could hide in the calm of the eye of the storm <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">And never blow away <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Well, I'm a young man with a knife to my back <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Some things never seen to change

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing the song or keep it inside <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Bought the farm, but the farmer done died <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing that song, sing that song inside

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna be as big as a mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna fly as high as the sun <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know what the rent's like in heaven <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know where the river goes

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">If I was stronger <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I could be a mountain range <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">If night was longer <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Could I escape the day? <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">If I was stronger <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I could be a mountain range <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">If night was longer <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Could I escape the day?

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing the song or keep it inside <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Bought the farm, but the farmer done died <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sing that song, sing that song inside

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna be as big as a mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna fly as high as the sun <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know what the rent's like in heaven <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know where the river... <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna be as big as a mountain <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna fly as high as the sun <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know what the rent's like in heaven <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">I wanna know where the river goes <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river goes <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river goes <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river, yeah <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river goes <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Where the river goes

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Analysis:
I have known this band for quite a while but it wasn't really until I started researching for this project that I found it, and as soon as I saw the lyrics I knew that this song would be great for this. A lot of the details are surprisingly similar between the song and the book, one such instance is where the song says that he's 'losing a game of reality, dice where the dealer never pays' which is extremely similar, like when Siddartha had a bad gambling problem and was losing and also lost a game with reality too. But one of the most similar is where in the book Siddartha is talking to Govinda and says: " I was a rich man and no longer am; and what I shall be tomorrow I do not know"(p.50). What Siddartha is saying reminds me of the part in the song where it says '<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: arial,sans-serif; line-height: 1.5;">Bought the farm, but the farmer done died', this theme of what he was, he is no more, he is constantly reincarnating.