SumpterS1213

Arizona me fat... DELETE DELETE DELETE......

that's all i can write when i write about myself. I'm Arizona, and im 16. i go to Georgia high and i am bolemic. when i was 10 years old i was diagnosed with a slow metabolism. it was predicted that when i was 13 i would start to gain more and more if my eating habits didn't get better. Well the doctors were wrong. i started to blow up when i turned 11 and thats when my life started to fall apart. when i was 12 my father left my mother because of her domestic and child abuse. he tried to gain custody of me, but somehow lost the case to her. she never lets me forget that day. she always says its my fault that he left, and at first i believed it. but now i dont. On top of that kids in school started to take notice of my weight gain, so i was teased all day all night 24/7. "FATTY!" "STICKY BUNS" "HIDEOUS BEAST" "DOGHNUT THIEF" i started to go to my school counselour for help, and she suggested that i take art class as a way to get my feelings out. i hated it. i couldnt draw the things i wanted to and got frustrated all the time. when i asked my art teacher, she told me that there were other forms of art as well.like sculpting- no good at it dancing- not flexible photography- cant take pictures painting- too messy poetry- .. that sounds interesting... so i asked my language arts teacher how poetry works she said "its anything you want and more" i said "what do you mean?" she showed me some poems ones that rymed ones that didnt rhyme ones that were shaped as a picture ones that were hiakus and even one worded poems. then she handed me a sheet of paper and let me try one "i don't know what to put.." so she said "remeber anything you want and more" with a smile. this was my first poem: old. young. rich. poor. popular. unknown. skinny. fat. who knows? who cares? who did it? who made us? angry. sad. happy. emotionless? what is that? why? why do we write? is there a point? to this poem this world universe and beyond? what is a word? what is a letter? what is a sentence? what is grammar? why is grammar? why is me? why is you? why all these QUESTIONS?? after that my teacher, ms downet would let me come on after school for an hour or two for writing sessions. we would both write some things and share what we wrote about. and eventually she started to assign things to me. when i wrote i would feel like iwas on top of the world. i would forget my problems, like dislikes, even the world and everyone in it, because when i was writing it wasn't about anything but the pen, paper, and the words i made with them. but then i when i fineshed, i would remeber that im just a fat girl with a pretty face, and an abusive mom who hates me, and an ugly person that no one likes. after school when i would walk home people would call out rude names to me while i passed them. then i would get home and stare in the mirror with my shirt off. i would cry and cry and eventually throw up into the toilet to get skinnier, then try to go on an "all fluid diet" and give up an gorge myself with food.Then after a while i would just feel guilty and make myself throw up till i couldn't feel one drop of guilt left in me. then the whole cycle would just start itself over again. i didnt know what to do with myself anymore. should i kill myself? should i kill my mother? i don't even know anymore. so climb into bed, thinking of all the things ive been through: my best friend disowning me when we moved to middle school, my father leaving, every person laughing at me, me sitting at luch by myself trying not to eat a thing. then i cry myself to sleep. when i wake up it is saturday. weekends are something i hate because i dont have anyone to spen thime with. my mother is mental, i have no friends now, i dont have my after school writing sessions with ms. downet. so i just sit and wait. i dont know what for i just wait.